Twice motions were made Tuesday night to name a local park after Ronald Reagan, and twice the Newport Beach City Council voted that idea down.
“We'll bring this back in some form or fashion, somehow,” vowed Mayor Keith Curry, the politico pushing for a park named after the Gipper.
Six easy steps will make that happen, Mr. Mayor.
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1. Strike up a friendly relationship, if you haven't already, with a local Jewish synagogue or Israel support group.
2. Have their reps send rubber bands to moderate Iranian-Americans in Irvine.
3. Newport Beach will resupply the Jewish folks' rubber band supply but keep the payments from the Iranian-Americans.
4. The Iranian-Americans will do everything in their power to release a Newport Beach hedge fund manager who accidentally locked himself in Lebanese restaurant's restroom in Orange.
5. To reward those who helped release him, the hedge fund manager will invest money from the rubber band sales, sending monthly dividends to freedom loving Latino landscapers in Santa Ana.
6. The landscapers will then mow the lawns–for free, for life–of every Newport Beach City Council member who flip-flops and votes to name a park after “Dutch” Reagan.
One piece of advice, though: steer clear of any volunteers who are retired lieutenant colonels.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.