5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

Attention, Crystal Cathedral gay choir members (you know who you are): Just because you signed a covenant with the Garden Grove megachurch vowing you are not homosexual, you have not escaped the prying eyes of pious asswipes determined to out you (they know who they are).

For heaven's sake, consider the following 5 ways to avoid being outed as gay at Crystal Cathedral . . .

5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

DO NOT recommend more musical-dance numbers for future

Glory of Easter

shows.

5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT inform Pastor

Sheila Schuller Coleman

that she's a dead ringer for the

Bonnie Hunt

female impersonator at Club Ripples in Long Beach.


 
5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT request the

Hour of Power

telecasts move to Bravo because, "It's the only network I watch."

5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

RESIST THE URGE to bring your award-winning casserole to the church bake sale--unless you have a beard who can lie that she made it.

5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

AND REALLY, REALLY HEED THIS ONE: You bring a bible to the prayer circle, not lube.

Obviously, the above advice is geared toward gay male choir members. Lesbian choir members (you know who you are), don't change a thing.


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