Attention, Crystal Cathedral gay choir members (you know who you are): Just because you signed a covenant with the Garden Grove megachurch vowing you are not homosexual, you have not escaped the prying eyes of pious asswipes determined to out you (they know who they are).
For heaven's sake, consider the following 5 ways to avoid being outed as gay at Crystal Cathedral . . .
DO NOT recommend more musical-dance numbers for futureGlory of Easter
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT inform PastorSheila Schuller Coleman
that she's a dead ringer for theBonnie Hunt
female impersonator at Club Ripples in Long Beach.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT request theHour of Power
telecasts move to Bravo because, "It's the only network I watch."
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RESIST THE URGE to bring your award-winning casserole to the church bake sale--unless you have a beard who can lie that she made it.
AND REALLY, REALLY HEED THIS ONE: You bring a bible to the prayer circle, not lube.
Obviously, the above advice is geared toward gay male choir members. Lesbian choir members (you know who you are), don't change a thing.