5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

The San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station is closing, it will take years to decommission, but it's never too soon to think about what should become of the all-new SONGS.

After the jump, five potential (and no-nukes!) re-uses for the nuclear power plant.

From earlier this morning:

San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant to Be Shut Down FOREVER--YEAH!!!

5. SPENT ROD'S GLOW-IN-THE-DARK SKATE PARK

5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

Rails smails. Ramps smamps. Slides smlides. Wanna get tubular? Spent Rod's got miles and miles of tubes (all cracked). Skateboard pioneers hit empty swimming pools. Here, you can hit spent fuel pools. See if you can keep from breaking your deck (neck?) on our turbine deck. And what could be gnarlier than riding down those giant containment domes? We haven't quite figured out how your moms can get past armed security to drop you off, but we're working on it. Come on down!

4. CONTAINMENT VESSEL FOR TODD SPITZER'S EGO

5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

And there's one right next door for the Orange County supervisor's future challenger for district attorney, Susan Schroeder.
  3. SEAFOOD MANUFACTURING PLANT

5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

Gorton's stock soars with news the frozen seafood giant will reduce labor costs simply by using the ex-nuclear plant's underwater turbines to continue slicing local sea life into fish sticks. Migrant Mexicans armed with forks and breathing straws will remain to pluck Flipper bits out of the water, though.

2. SONGS TREK STUDIOS


With plenty of time on their hands thanks to corporate abandonment, nuclear power plant workers can finally finish their homage to

Star Trek

. Quick, someone call J.J. Abrams!

1. MOLD FOR KATE UPTON'S BRA

5 New No-Nuke Uses for San Onofre Plant

Hurry, the line for volunteer fitters already stretches down to Carlsbad.

R. Scott Moxley's Honorable Mentions: 6) Cool looking new home for Robert Schuller ministries; 7) South County can finally get its own jail; 8) Whatever, just put Ronald Reagan's name on it.

Email: mcoker@ocweekly.com. Twitter: @MatthewTCoker. Follow OC Weekly on Twitter @ocweekly or on Facebook!


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