10 Reasons God Hates California

10 Reasons God Hates California

Considering Sunday's 7.2 earthquake just south of California's border with Mexico, the 4.1 shaker six miles southwest of Malibu and assorted aftershocks felt up and down the state as this is banged out with fingers crossed, it's obvious God is peeved at something. Before Pat Robertston, Wiley Drake or the "God Hates Fags" douchebag weigh in with their usual suspects behind you-know-who's wrath, here are the real 10 reasons God hates California.

10 Reasons God Hates California
Photo by Pete Souza

1) New polling that shows a majority of Californians support: Obamacare; politicians who voted for the bill; a temporary guest worker program; a path to citizenship for undocumented workers and the Kenyan in the White House.

2) GOP frontrunner for governor Meg Whitman calling for more prison building--without identifying any specific funding source for them. Who does she think she is? A Democratic state legislator?

10 Reasons God Hates California
Wikipedia Commons

3) The Oakland Raiders failure to grab quarterback Donovan McNabb, who the Eagles traded to the Redskins. 'Cause everyone knows the Almighty bleeds Silver and Black.

10 Reasons God Hates California
Wikipedia Commons

4) Heaven's Apple store ran out of iPads.

10 Reasons God Hates California

5) Charlie Sheen possibly leaving Two and a Half Men.

 

10 Reasons God Hates California

6) Still shaken over Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock.

7) Still shaken over that Chuy Bravo porn video.

10 Reasons God Hates California

8) Her ride to Coachella fell through.

10 Reasons God Hates California

9) The Lakers failing to show up at Staples for a game against the Spurs--a Sunday game. The Lakers don't lose on Sundays at Staples. And on Easter Sunday!?!

10 Reasons God Hates California

10) Saddleback pastor Rick Warren marking Resurrection Day at Anaheim Stadium by trotting out the Jonas Brothers. Everyone knows the King of Kings swings with Justin Bieber.

So, smite you, California!


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