As of this writing, alleged murderer Jonathan Tieu and accused attempted murderers Bac Tien Duong and Hossein Nayeri (of penis-napping fame) were still at large after busting out of the Orange County Jail maximum security unit on Friday.
The sheriff's department once again appealed to the public Monday for help in finding the "very dangerous" trio, who the Orange County District Attorney's office later in the day charged with felony counts of escape from pending felony charges. Nayeri and Tieu face a maximum sentence of three years in state prison for the escape, while Duong could do nine years because he has prior strike convictions.
Sheriff's spokesman Lt. Jeff Hallock says it is possible Tieu and Duong "embedded" themselves into OC's large Vietnamese community of Little Saigon.
While that—or South Coast Plaza for that matter—would make a great place for the two men of the Asian persuasion to hide, as a public service to our pals in law enforcement, OC Weekly is pleased to pass along these 10 other locations where the subjects of the intense manhunt (#manhunt on Twitter) may be holed up.
1. COOK'S CORNER
The escaped prisoners were resourceful enough to make or acquire tools to cut through steel grate and half-inch steel bars, let alone tie together makeshift ropes strong enough to rappel several jail floors to the ground. So who is to say they could not also get some leather jackets and fake ZZ Top beards that would allow them to melt into everyone's favorite bikers bar, Cook's Corner in Silverado Canyon? Hell, some of the clientele may even scare them!
2. ORANGE COUNTY GREAT PARK
Ah, what can we say about the Orange County Great Park that hasn't already been said about Atlantis? One is a mythical lost paradise and the other is Atlantis. The Great Park is the massive municipal project version of Heaven's Gate: It is taking too long to make, even more over budget and a flop with the public. Perhaps the City of Irvine can turn things around with the special 20th anniversary Blu-ray edition. (The board of director outtakes will be hilarious!)
3. CALIFORNIA WELCOME CENTER IN BUENA PARK
California Welcome Center in Buena Park, because who knew there was a California Welcome Center in Buena Park?
4. TOP SECRET HITLER BIRTHDAY PARTIES
For years there have been rumors, surely unfounded, that neo-Nazis secretly met at the Phoenix Club in Anaheim or Old World Village in Huntington Beach on April 20 to toast Adolf Hitler's birthday. As detailed in Rich Kane's cover story from 2001, there were some white supremacists who partied in honor of Der Fuhrer at a long-gone Anaheim rock club. That core following had to go somewhere, so perhaps the FBI undercover embedded with them will soon come face-to-face with the missing inmates.
5) CRYONIC CHAMBER HOLDING WALT DISNEY'S HEAD
It would sound like the stuff of urban legend were it not a fact that it has been verified, 1 million percent accurate and re-re-re fact checked by Brian Williams: Deep within the bowels of Disneyland, probably accessible only by an elevator under the Matterhorn, there is a tightly guarded bunker containing the cryonic chamber holding Walt Disney's frozen head. Jayson Blair even reported that it's the inspiration for Frozen, a tidbit that would surely make little girls squeal with something other than delight. "Let it froze, let it froze, can't thaw it anymorze.."
6. ANGELS GM OFFICE
No one would think to look in the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim general manager's office due to the dreadful lack of off-season activity, even after the hiring of manchild Billy Eppler. Of course, the same state of nothingness can be found in the Halos' bullpen. Remember who told you first when Hossein Nayeri is playing right on opening day. Better remove the razors from the clubhouse, fellas.
7. ANAHEIM DUCKS WIN COLUMN
Speaking of Anaheim-based professional sports disappointments: Ladies and gentlemen, your Anaheim Ducks. Though goal tending has been solid and the defense has stepped up of late, the offense has been anemic. The franchise is off to one of its slowest starts in years. It's downright criminal, meaning the escaped baddies may very well be avoiding detection behind the opposing net.
8. UNDER JUDGE SCOTT STEINER'S BENCH
Orange County Superior Court Judge Scott A. Steiner was censured by the California Commission on Judicial Performance in 2014 for having sex in his Fullerton chambers multiple times with two of his former Chapman University law students. All rise, indeed. Steiner also tried to get one of his sex partners a job with that bastion of integrity, the Orange County District Attorney's office. Come to think of it, under Steiner's bench might not be so great a place to hide out; it sounds mighty crowded down there...
9. INSIDE T-RACK'S HEAD
Speaking of the Orange County District Attorney: Ladies and gentlemen, your Tony Rackauckas. Hey, don't blame me; I voted for Rod Blagojevich. As the Weekly's dogged R. Scott Moxley has pointed out many, many times, the space between T-Rack's ears is empty, thus making it the perfect place to avoid pursuers, if not a federal indictment.
10. INSIDE MIKE HARRAH'S BEARD
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The last place anyone would look for a hardened criminal is in downtown SanTana mega-developer Mike Harrah's beard. The best thing about this hiding place? It brings us full circle to the ZZ Top reference in No. 1.
Laguna Hills Mall, because one could move from closed store to closed store forever without anyone knowing. Bolsa Chica wetlands, although one would have to pose as a Native American relic to keep from being disturbed. The Hare Krishna Temple in Laguna Beach or, better yet, the Ramakrishna Monastery in Trabuco Canyon, because everyone leaves the quiet occupants alone and prisoners know all about rituals. Inside the Orange County skyscraper of any national financial institution, because law enforcement obviously is ignoring the criminals in those. Finally—and obviously—anywhere with Sean Penn.