1) You're aware that this is seriously cooler than any lunchbox.
2) You're working on several projects–a web series, a novel, a collage made from found images–that you think about constantly but never talk about with anyone because you know it's so good someone will steal it if you utter a word.
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3) The mention of just two words can make you drool: Criterion Collection.
4)
You own two or three translations
of Rimbaud's Une Saison en
Enfer but cherish the pairing with the Mapplethorpe
photographs.
5) You nodded approvingly–with no need to
clap– when the Tony
for Best Play went to Red
and yawned noticeably when everyone else in the room cheered for La Cage Aux Folles.
6) You don't have to go to
Wikipedia
to know that a sculpture and an installation are different
monsters…even though a
sculpture can be an installation and
an installation can include a
sculpture.
7) You read Coagula
and get wood
when Mat Gleason delivers the smackdown.
EXAMPLE: “The issue I have
is that there is nothing … not a fucking
thing relevant about Wagner in relationship to Contemporary Art. Opera
is an
art form of another time. It is quaint and enjoyable and neutered.
Contemporary
art has a slew of approaches, and none of them are opera and all of them
have
the possibility of being vital.
But
opera and contemporary art attract the same pseudosophisticates who
revel in
the pretense and false glamour that is somehow bestowed on an antiquated
type
of musical theater and any clean, well-lit, white-walled space that is
not
hosting a crafts fair.”
Major wood.
8)
You know that popular culture in the form of a great film can be
more meaningful than something considered fine art, but you hesitate to
say so because you can also think of a painting or
two you've
seen that you'll never forget.
9) You consider #8 briefly,
throw caution to the wind and proceed to share your opinion with
everyone around
you, regardless of whether they're interested, because it's your
OPINION, dammit, and you've given it thought and it's good, damn good,
and needs to be shared with the Ignorant Universe, because it's your
mission to Un-Ignorant the Universe and bring it closer to The Cool,
that Great Indefinable Cool that you harbor inside yourself, even if it
just looks to the Office Wonk eating French fries and staring at you,
that you're having an
argument with yourself.
10) There is beauty in everything around
you–even the Wonk with the fries–and sometimes you feel like you're
the
only person that sees it. (You're not.)
Dave Barton has written for the OC Weekly for over twenty years, the last eight as their lead art critic. He has interviewed artists from punk rock photographer Edward Colver to monologist Mike Daisey, playwright Joe Penhall to culture jammer Ron English.