You Know You're an Art Whore When...

1) You're aware that this is seriously cooler than any lunchbox.

2) You're working on several projects--a web series, a novel, a collage made from found images--that you think about constantly but never talk about with anyone because you know it's so good someone will steal it if you utter a word.

3) The mention of just two words can make you drool: Criterion Collection.     


4) You own two or three translations of Rimbaud's Une Saison en Enfer  but cherish the pairing with the Mapplethorpe photographs.     

5) You nodded approvingly--with no need to clap-- when the Tony for Best Play went to Red and yawned noticeably when everyone else in the room cheered for La Cage Aux Folles.    

6) You don't have to go to Wikipedia to know that a sculpture and an installation are different monsters...even though a sculpture can be an installation and an installation can include a sculpture.

7) You read Coagula and get wood when Mat Gleason delivers the smackdown.
EXAMPLE: "The issue I have is that there is nothing ... not a fucking thing relevant about Wagner in relationship to Contemporary Art. Opera is an art form of another time. It is quaint and enjoyable and neutered. Contemporary art has a slew of approaches, and none of them are opera and all of them have the possibility of being vital.
But opera and contemporary art attract the same pseudosophisticates who revel in the pretense and false glamour that is somehow bestowed on an antiquated type of musical theater and any clean, well-lit, white-walled space that is not hosting a crafts fair."
Major wood.    

8) You know that popular culture in the form of a great film can be more meaningful than something considered fine art, but you hesitate to say so because you can also think of a painting or two you've seen that you'll never forget.

9) You consider  #8 briefly, throw caution to the wind and proceed  to share your opinion with everyone around you, regardless of whether they're interested, because it's your OPINION, dammit, and you've given it thought and it's good, damn good, and needs to be shared with the Ignorant Universe, because it's your mission to Un-Ignorant the Universe and bring it closer to The Cool, that Great Indefinable Cool that you harbor inside yourself, even if it just looks to the Office Wonk eating French fries and staring at you, that you're having an argument with yourself.

10) There is beauty in everything around you--even the Wonk with the fries--and sometimes you feel like you're the only person that sees it. (You're not.)


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