Photo by Jack GouldNumber of surly young white males spotted in Fred Durst drag (backward red Yankees ballcap) on the walk from the car to the Arrowhead Pond's ticket window: 12
Number of oughta-know-better adult couples with 6-year-old children in tow seen entering the Pond: 1
Number of particular acts, posted on disclaimer posters throughout the Pond's lobby, that patrons were advised to “please refrain from” during he show: 4 (public indecency, public exposure, violence and nonconsensual contact)
Number of similar disclaimers posted during Bruce Springsteen's Pond concerts in May: 0
Cost of cheap-looking, red Limp Bizkit stocking caps on sale at souvenir stands: $25
Cost of the most expensive souvenir, a black-and-red team jersey with “Eminem” on the front and “Slim Shady” on the back: $100
Cost of the cheapest non-sticker souvenir, an aluminum dog tag emblazoned with “Eminem”: $10
Number of hip-hop acts who opened the show named Xzibit: 1
Number of good, non-formulaic, memorable, lasting hip-hop acts who opened the show named Xzibit: 0
Number of songs into Papa Roach's set before lead singer Coby Dick first said, “fuck”: 1
Number of requests made by Coby Dick for “any motherfucker sitting on your ass” to “get the fuck up outta your seats 'cuz this is a rock show!” before any crowd movement was detected: 2
Estimated percentage of crowd still seated after his pleas: 40
Among all four acts on bill, estimated total number of times they collectively referred to the Pond crowd as “motherfuckers”: 20
Estimated percentage of audience who would actually like to engage in intercourse with their mothers: .025
Number of insect-
extermination companies whose advertisements were plainly—perhaps fittingly—visible in the arena during Papa Roach's set: 1
Number of songs into Eminem's set before he first said, “fuck”: 1
Number of fellatio requests made by Eminem during first song: 2 (“If you don't like this, you can suck my dick!”; “You can suck my dick if you don't like my shit!”)
Number of Eminem's Cher-like costume changes made during his set: 2
Number of 'N Sync-like dance numbers performed during Eminem's set: 2
Number of inflatable, exaggerated penises waved around by members of Eminem's crew: 1
Number of simulated anal-sex acts with stuffed animals committed by members of Eminem's crew: 1
Conservative estimate of Eminem's net worth: $2 million
Estimated cost of decent mental therapist: $120 per session
Estimated percentage loss of Eminem's net worth if he ever goes and makes a “happy” album: 95
Minutes devoted to commercials for video-game systems between Eminem and Limp Bizkit sets: 20
Number of songs into Limp Bizkit's set before singer Fred Durst first said, “fuck”: 1
Seconds it took for Durst to sing a snippet of “Who Let the Dogs Out?”, only to excuse it by saying, “That's gotta be one of the worst songs in the world!”: 10
Number of Limp Bizkit songs that are even worse than “Who Let the Dogs Out?”: 40
Years of significant Billboard-chart presence/ MTV visibility by Limp Bizkit intellectual compatriots Poison: 4 (1987-1991)
Years of significant Billboard-chart presence/ MTV visibility remaining for Limp Bizkit before masses similarly lose interest/find jobs/kick pot/get lives: 2
Liberal estimate of “kiss-my-ass, suck-my-dick” references made by all four acts throughout the course of the evening: 2,700,000
Combined total number of requests made by Fred Durst and Eminem for the audience to light their cigarette lighters and raise them aloft over their heads: 2
Conservative estimate of total number of loud, bombastic explosions/ flash pots/fireworks/fires set off throughout evening: 60
Ratio of pyrotechnic size to size of one's genitalia, using formula obtained from the OC Weekly DataLab: 100:1
Number of rock-critic colleagues spotted leaving show early out of fear that bad taste may be contagious: 2
