What You Really Mean When You React To Your Friend's Crappy Band

What You Really Mean When You React To Your Friend's Crappy Band
Jena Ardell

Your friend, the musician, spent his last dollar on a social media campaign to push an album no one is anticipating, and has selected you to be the album's first listener. Lucky you.

We've all heard the proverb "honesty is the best policy," but whoever coined that phrase never befriended a broke musician hellbent on pressing 1,000 CDs of a terrible, full-length, self-produced album in 2016.

Since most musicians are intolerant of constructive criticism (and you'd like to keep their friendship) we doubt you tell the truth during the dreaded peer review. In fact, we know exactly what you really mean when you react to your friend's crappy band because we've used all of the following responses as well. 

If you've found additional creative ways to mask your disdain, please share your translations in the comment section below.

What you say:
"Oh, this is a different song now?"
What you mean...
"All the songs sound the same."

What you say:
"I think this song needs a little more bass."
What you mean...
"Please add something that distracts from your voice."

What you say:
"There's just one part in there that sounds a little too chaotic for me."
What you mean...
"Is everyone in the band playing the same song?!"

What you say:
"Well, it's not my kind of music, but I really like it!"
What you mean...
"I would never listen to this. Ever."

What you say:
"Is this the final, mastered track?"
What you mean...
"Please tell me this isn't the final, mastered track."

Upcoming Events

What you say:
"I think your vocals need to be a little louder."
What you mean...
"I really can't understand what the fuck you're saying."

What you say:
"I can definitely imagine this on the radio!"
What you mean...
"For your sake, I hope someone likes this song enough to give you some form of compensation so that your friends and family can stop worrying about your choice to pursue a career in music."

What you say:
"Keyboard sounds great!"
What you mean...
"I don't have anything nice to say about the vocals or the lyrics or the song."

What you say:
"Oooo, I like the ending!!"
What you mean...
"Thank God it's over."

What you say:
"Very cool, man. Very cool."
What you mean...
"OK, let's move on to another topic."

Upcoming Events


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >