Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition

Gamers know that the best games of the year don't necessarily arrive near the Holiday Season. Previously known for the long months of little or no game releases, spring is now a popular release time frame for some of the industry's most popular titles. Game publishers have learned to avoid the Holiday rush, and are now releasing wave after wave of popular game titles after Christmas. With so many new game releases, how will you know what is the right choice for you?

This is where this guide comes in handy, the Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes, Spring 2010 Edition. Whether you are a sci-fi fan, have anger management issues, or are a pervert, there's always a game that is perfect for your personality type.

For The Person With Anger Management Issues...

  • God of War III (PS3)
  • Super Street Fighter IV (XBOX360, PS3)
  • Yakuza 3 (PS3)
  • Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars (Wii)

Video gaming, to many, is a great medium to relieve stress and frustration. Sure, there are arguably more constructive methods to control anger, but where else can a person beat up a complete stranger from across the globe, like in Super Street Fighter IV? In God of War III, players are able to murder mythological creatures and gods, all without the inconvenience of leaving the house.

For the Japanese RPG Nut...

Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition
  • Final Fantasy XIII (PS3, XBOX360)
  • Lunar: Silver Star Harmony (PSP)
  • Star Ocean: The Last Hope International (PS3)
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey (NDS)
  • Resonance of Fate (PS3, XBOX360)
  • White Knight Chronicles International Edition (PS3)

There is an abundance of choices for fans of Japanese RPGs this Spring, from big-budget games such as Final Fantasy XIII to classic remakes like Lunar: Silver Star Harmony. The Japanese RPG genre has dramatically changed over the years, evolving from 8-bit graphics with simple stories to movie-like experiences. However, there are central themes that are common in almost all Japanese RPGs, such as the themes of life and death, spiky hair, and orphans with amnesia.

For the Sci-Fi Geek...

  • Mass Effect 2 (XBOX360)
  • Aliens vs. Predator (XBOX360, PS3)

Star Wars fans will be in for a treat when they play BioWare's latest space-themed RPG, Mass Effect 2. With such a rich history written for every character and locale within the game, Mass Effect 2 may be the closest piece of fiction to recreate the magic of the original Star Wars trilogy.

For the Gun Freak...

Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition
  • MAG (PS3)
  • Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition (PS3, XBOX360)
  • Just Cause 2 (PS3, XBOX360)

Gun freaks are easy to please, for all they care about is one thing: to blow shit up. Luckily for them, this spring offers many choices for these types of players to go wild in their destructive playgrounds. In PS3's MAG, you are thrown into a battlefield with up to 256 other players. In other words, there are plenty of people to shoot. Similarly, Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition is an update of last year's teamwork-driven zombie survivor game. With hordes upon hordes of zombies from all parts of the world attacking you, there are plenty of situations where gun mongers can blast away at anyone who gets in their way. It's not a bad thing to love shooting the undead, right?

For the Person with Freakishly Large Hands...

Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition
  • Nintendo DSi XL
  • Classic Controller Pro (Wii)

Weighing in at 314 grams, the Nintendo DSi XL is the heaviest iteration of the Nintendo DS system yet. The screens measure 3.36" x 2.52", making the XL screens' total surface area roughly 93% larger than those of the DS Lite. This thing really butchers the "portable" aspect of portable gaming. However, size is relative. If you have freakishly large hands, then perhaps the DSi XL is the perfect size for you.

For the Pokémaniac...

Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition
  • Pokemon Soul Silver Version (NDS)
  • Pokemon Heartgold Version (NDS)

Pokémaniancs are perfectionists. Year after year, they continue to buy the same game in order to "catch 'em all". As soon as they manage to raise and train their perfect Pokémon team, they'll need more in order to achieve the same amount of satisfaction. Perhaps the term "Pokémon addict" is more appropriate.

For the Friend Who Loves Movies Waaaaay Too Much...

Video Game Shopping for All Stereotypes! Spring 2010 Edition
  • Heavy Rain (PS3)
  • Alan Wake (XBOX360)
  • Deadly Premonition (XBOX360)

The similarities between video games and movies are beginning to blend like they never have before. With the release of Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain for the PS3, players will be able to watch a horribly-acted story unfold and determine its outcome based on the decisions that he/she makes. It's like watching a movie, but everyone's story will be different.

For the Pervert...

  • Record of Agarest War (XBOX 360, PS3)
  • Dead Or Alive Paradise (PSP)
  • Bayonetta (PS3, XBOX360)

The ESRB recently rated the upcoming Dead or Alive Paradise, using some interesting choice of words. In their review, they used phrases such as "creepy voyeurism," "cheesy," "misguided notions of what women really want," and "straddling felled tree trunks in dental-floss thongs." Although it may sound strange for a ratings board to describe a game using such language, these phrases are music to the ears of perverts.

Record of Agarest War is a strategy RPG for the XBOX360 and PS3. In this game, the player is able to "create" a new character by perusing a relationship with one of the game's female characters. Reproductive simulator? Sounds like it. To add to the creepiness, those who purchase the limited edition of this game will be treated to a large-sized pillow of one of the female characters.


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