Top Five Songs That Should Have Never Been Remade, According to Comedian Craig Shoemaker
It might sound random that a comic would open for a musician like Kenny Loggins but as Craig Shoemaker put it when he talked to OC Weekly last year, "It's actually not too random because a lot of artists did it. It's really a smart move because laughter cuts through any negative impatience." For some reason, that quote got us thinking about an idea for a list combining comedy and music. Follow this logic-- Shoemaker opened for Kenny Loggins. Kenny sang the title track Footloose for the original movie. The movie was remade last year as was the title track and was sung this time around by Blake Shelton. This whole six degrees of separation made us wonder, what are some songs that should've never been remade? And who better to answer that question than Shoemaker? Exactly! No one! So lucky for us we squeezed in a little "me time" with Craig before his stint at the Irvine Improv (Sep.20-23) to ask him for his own personal "Top Five List of Song Remakes That Should Have Never Been Remade."
5. Korn - Brick in the Wall (Originally by Pink Floyd)
Craig Shoemaker: Simply put, "Brick in the Wall" should have never been remade especially since it was written by guys on acid. It certainly shouldn't have been remade by a group of guys on heroin.
4. Michael Bolton - (Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay (Originally by Otis Redding)
In every song Michael Bolton sings he has this look like he is in need of a bowel movement. His veins are just popping out of his head, look at him! He looks like he is actually shitting on the dock of a bay rather than sitting.
3. Carl Lewis- The National Anthem
This is really a tie between Roseanne Barr and Carl Lewis. I guess I'd have to give it to Carl Lewis though because he was actually trying. Carl Lewis is like the William Hung of his day but luckily for him, he was pre-YouTube. If YouTube was around he probably would have had a second career.
2. Britney Spears - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction (Originally by The Rolling Stones)
Britney's singing hardly makes you forget Mick Jagger. I mean, after seeing a paparazzi shot of her vagina I think I'd rather see Mick's. It's hard to believe she is actually a judge of talent on X Factor. I've seen her videos and her dance rhythm looks like she is on an Ambien and Red Bull cocktail.
1. Celine Dion and Anastasia - You Shook Me All Night Long (Originally by AC/DC)
I don't get how a ballad singer takes a look at possible remakes and then says, "Yeah that's perfect! AC/DC, I resonate with that!" I'd rather ride a boat into an iceberg than listen to this crap. Forget my heart will go on, after listening to this rendition my ears will never go on!
Check out Craig's "Laugh it Off" podcast on the ToadHop Network and follow him on Twitter @TheLovemaster. Get your tickets now to see Craig Shoemaker at the Irvine Improv this Thursday through Sunday (September 20th-23rd) by going to www.improv.com or by calling 949-854-5455. The Improv is located at 71 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618.
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