The Five Worst British Import Bands

By: Gavin Cleaver

While we might have done some wonderful things for y'all with Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath and Radiohead, we have also sent you some terrible crimes against music. And while none of this really compares to Canada foisting Avril Lavigne and Nickleback on you, it's still not great. I'm here to hold my hands up for the collection of nations I call my home and say sorry. If it is true that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, then for every Radiohead there must be a Lily Allen, and for every Police there must be a Sting's solo career. We're trying, but we don't always get it right. Here are the worst offenders I can think of. Please add your own.

5. The Streets

I get the impression that Mike Skinner might have convinced some people he is the rapping equivalent of a Guy Ritchie film, like "Lock, Stock..." or "Snatch." He is not a cockney. He is from Birmingham, England, a very long way away from London, and should have an accent more like Ozzy Osbourne (also a "Brummie," as they are called). You are not being sold a legitimate product here. It's like Bryan Adams releasing a country album with a Deep South twang he suddenly "discovered" for marketing purposes. Even worse, you are paying for music that contains insights like "Don't mug yaself mate no wat I meen" and "you're fit but my gosh, don't you just know it." Horrific.

4. Coldplay

Yes, Britain is also responsible for boring everyone to tears several times a minute, which I would imagine is how often Coldplay get played on the radio, in a commercial, or at a really awful dinner party. There's more feeling in one Elton John song than there is in an entire Coldplay album, and not only is that really saying something, Elton still doesn't play the piano in that ultra-annoying standing-with-eyes-closed way, Chris. Unfortunately I support a soccer team that plays in yellow, and someone with one functioning brain cell and hearing problems decided the semi-official club song should be, wait for it, "Yellow." Watch out, insert name of American sports team that plays in yellow here.

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