The 2016 Coachella Drugs and Music Pairing Guide

Do this right and you'll be higher than the ferris wheelEXPAND
Do this right and you'll be higher than the ferris wheel
Willie T.

With three days left to get your drug collection together for week 1 of Coachella 2016, consider all the appropriate party favors to bring. Music is highly important for drug-taking, and finding the perfect dynamic between sound and brain chemicals requires a connoisseur-like approach. What substances should you consume to best enjoy the musical acts at Coachella this year? You have plenty of choices, but here are 10 delicious drug pairings sure to delight the senses.

The 1975: Adderall

The 1975 has the feel of a band cresting this year, and has the sound and energy to devastate a festival audience. This might be one of the Coachella sets that people talk about years later. Even if you don’t know the band, make it an assignment to check out the performance. Like any assignment, your roommate’s ADD meds make it really, really fun.

Jack U: Ecstasy, rectal administration

The rule in the Sahara Tent is you have to do whatever Skrillex says. “Don’t do drugs, just put a little Jack U in your butt and you’ll feel right good,” is his line on Jack U’s debut he produced. Security probably won’t let your butt anywhere near Jack U’s fingers, instead stuff an ecstasy tablet in there like everyone else.

LCD Soundsystem: IPA

If you’re 30+ Friday at Coachella should be drinking-only, and LCD Soundsystem is probably why you’re there in the first place. Your home base is the craft beer garden, the beer snob’s beating heart where he/she ventures back between sets for hoppy reoxygenation. Even if it’s not really your thing, drinking IPA is some of the most efficient dollar-to-buzz imbibing you can do. 

Ice Cube: Cannabis Indica

Festival planners scheduled Cube on Saturday, dashing any hopes for stoney Friday references. Nonetheless, roll up a twenny-twen-twen of sticky Indica and don’t fuck up the rotation; reports of an NWA reunion at Coachella have been confirmed so try not to get knocked the fuck out by too many libations before the show.

Guns n’ Roses: Vodka and blow

It is probably better to party like ‘90s Duff McKagen than ‘90s Slash. Duff didn’t dance with Mr. Brownstone; he preferred copious amounts amounts of vodka and cocaine until a near-fatal case of pancreatitis cleaned him up for good. As for you, enjoy that Red Bull vodka Sunset Strip-style and enjoy the show.

Run the Jewels: Cold-pressed juice

Did you know that Killer Mike’s juice detox game is on point? For real. A 2014 Rolling Stone article got the recipe for his “Grand Slam” detox mix—wheat grass, cranberry juice, lemon juice, and ginger—that the rapper drinks every other week to clean out his system. Take advantage of all those cold-pressed juice stands we started seeing at the festival a couple years ago and get one of your own. You need it.

M83: Cannabis Sativa

Anthony Gonzalez dropped an album last week called Junk. It’s not about heroin. It is the opposite of smack music, really—goofy, positive, and subtly about ‘80s video games. Drug-wise, a joint is the way to go, and Sativa is the Space Invaders of festival drugs. Get ready for all smiles.

Sia: Red Wine

A wine buzz is smooth, pensive, and sometimes hilarious—perfect for watching vocal powerhouse Sia Furler span the entire range of human emotion over the course of a set. As for varietals, you should drink rosé all day, but come sundown, a heartier red hits the spot. Find some Yellowtail and make a toast to the Aussie songstress.

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St. Germain: Psilocybin

Like a Donald Trump of French electro producers, Ludovic Navarre has all the best layers. Chicago blues samples on a west African percussion loops, quick pivots into a bossa nova with hard bop — St. Germain is all at once think-y academic and chill-out vibes. Shrooming accentuates all these cool subtle things, and his bouncy grooves keep your mind off the brutish realities of navigating Coachella while tripping balls.

Calvin Harris: MDMA, licking the empty bag

Maybe the hardest decision to make at Coachella is which EDM act do you drop all your molly at? Can you hold out until Sunday night for the Calvin Harris set? That is a tough proposition. Zedd on Saturday night will squash the hopes for a few of you. Then there’s Flume and Baauer to contend with on Sunday evening. Will there be any drugs left for Calvin Harris? Only for the most disciplined drug takers.

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