Sober or Not, Doug Stanhope Knows a Bit About Everything

I'm not famous! Really I'm not!
I'm not famous! Really I'm not!
Pop Narkotic

In our book, every laugh Doug Stanhope gives us cancels out the foul-mouthed depravity that makes this bad boy ohhh so good. You'll get your chance to be entertained by this comedic ringmaster when he steps on stage at the Irvine Improv June 10th and the Ontario Improv on June 11th and with these upcoming dates that'll have him breezing through our town, we couldn't wait to talk to Doug to find out what's up with his insane life these days.

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I know you were a little late to the podcast game and yet, yours is so successful. Are you still having fun doing it?

Doug Stanhope: Oh yeah! I didn't bother putting one out this week because I just did a whole podcasting and Howard Stern run. I just did A. J. Hawk's podcast, he's a linebacker for the Packers! A Packers linebacker has his own podcast! [Laughs.]

At this point I'm shocked my grandma doesn't have a podcast.

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I know! I just did his, Bill Burr's, Bert Kreischer's, I did Rogan, and Bret Easton Ellis. Then I flew to Hawaii and found Roseanne Barr on Twitter to ask her if she'd day drink with us if we flew over to the big island. So we spent the day drinking with her and then went back and drank with Eddie Ifft after Roseanne Barr. I just remember rushing the stage at Eddie's show because I didn't want to let him pull his balls out all by himself. [Laughs.]

Oh shit! I totally saw that picture on Twitter! Nice sack.

[Laughs.] I didn't even remember that! I'm telling you this while trying to remember where I've been. We went back to Honolulu and the next morning, we had to check out but our flight wasn't until 8 p.m. so we had to day drink all day with our bags. [Laughs.] Our flight was a non-stop from Honolulu to Newark so it was 10 hours of free drinks!

OK that's out of control. I always wonder why TMZ doesn't follow you around being that you are a wild animal of a guy.

Because I'm not famous! Really I'm not! I'm not TMZ famous! They'd have to explain what "The Man Show" was and then say, "He's not even those guys!" I remember threatening a TMZ guy on the street. He was just asking me for a comment when he was out there trying to get Ron White or some comic after we left the Improv on Melrose. He was like, "Hey Doug Stanhope! What do you gonna say tonight?" I was drunk and I just went on this psychological, pathological, psychopathic thing about how I would kill him and watch him die. [Laughs.] I don't even know what I said but it was a graphic and detailed breakdown about how I would fucking murder him and never feel any remorse. [Laughs.]

That's so twisted and yet still so funny because it's coming from you. How did he react?

He actually apologized and put the camera down.  

That's hysterical because, well, I don't want to blow your cover but you're very sweet and not scary at all. Maybe you have a stigma because come on, you are kind of bat shit.

[Laughs.] I didn't even say it loudly! I just went into such detail about how I could kill him, that it would never bother me, and that I would never think it was the wrong thing to do. I'm sure that footage is somewhere in a file too so if I ever get busted on some awkward charges, that interview will air! [Laughs.]

Oh fuck I love that story. Kind of random but, I know you're into football so I was wondering if you had any thoughts on Michael Sam.

I think it's fucking fantastic. Now the Clippers guy, I couldn't give a shit about him. I could easily defend the guy at this point because I've spent so much time talking about it on podcasts that I could be his Ray Donovan. [Laughs.] It's like, he was surrounded by black millionaires, coaches, and general managers. And he was being cuckolded by some fucking hideous, disfigured, plastic surgery failure. There is someone she looks like, I don't know if it's a porn star, but they're hideously ugly. I can't remember who.

Is it a guy? Because she looks like a dude.

No. [Laughs.] Sorry, I got off topic. But she is fucking awful looking.

Ummm yeah, totally gross. So I think it's funny and frightening that you ask people to mail you and Bingo stuff to your house. What's the weirdest thing you've received?

The one I always remember is when some guy took the phone off of the desk of the guy who sat next to him at work because he hated him. He just took his phone and sent it to us and I thought that was just beautifully funny. Like, who the fuck would just take a phone from an office? [Laughs.] Then some guy who quit his job at UPS sent his UPS scanner that he used to pay for the package that he shipped it in...that he was stealing! That was a funny one too. We haven't gotten anything like a severed head but we have gotten a lot of really cool shit. Some guy sent us Omaha Steaks, we get crazy amounts of alcohol, books, DVD's, and artwork. We get a lot of art that people have painted or drawn. Stanhope and Bingo appropriate art.

Not too shabby. Since you're doing a bunch of one night dates, are you working on some new stuff?

I guess you're always working on a new special. There's no date for a new special though. I just keep talking until an hour gets ironed. There's no such thing as a tour or album really because you're just telling jokes and at some point you just go, I gotta fucking print these and sell them because I'm tired of saying them.

Well even if you don't whip out your ball bag, you're definitely a favorite around here.

[Laughs.] Tell everyone I don't really want people at these shows so if they do come, be really quiet. Also make sure not to make any eye contact.

Catch Doug Stanhope at the Irvine Improv on June 10th (71 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455) and at the Ontario Improv on June 11th (4555 Mills Circle Ontario Mills Ontario, CA 91764, (909) 484-5411). For tickets go to www.Improv.com. For more info check out Doug's website www.DougStanhope.com and follow him on Twitter @DougStanhope.

See also: Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.

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