Raunchy Randomness with Jim Norton
He'll never love himself as much as I hate myself.
When east coast phenom Jim Norton is in our fair town, we take notice. And not to be bias BUT...you should too. This weekend at the Irvine Improv, Norton is showcasing his svelte new look along with an arsenal of new material and if you are in the mood to do some hardy laughing without hardly getting offended, this man's set is right up your alley. We got together with little Jimmy (seriously, have you seen this man lately??) at the last minute and hit him with a round of randomness and what he gave us in return, well, it was nothing short of riotous.
OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): If you were going to have sex with someone and you knew it'd be the last time you ever had sex, who would it be with?
Jim Norton: Bill Cosby
But it's like, you wouldn't even know and ok, it's your fuck. Tell me about your first break-up. I knew it was coming, my hour was up.
Be honest with me, how often do you Google yourself? I don't need to. I have a Google alert set for anytime anyone with a last name beginning with "N" is mentioned.
Fair enough. As a single gal with a dirtbag sense of humor and trust issues, can you give me some dating advice? Never allow more than 3 fingers without a commitment.
Shit. I knew I was doing it all wrong. Bless you. What is your biggest pet peeve? People who forget to flush the toilet more than 11 times in a row.
Jesus! Sorry! It just wouldn't go down! Madonna, Lady Gaga, or same thing anyway? Lady Gaga, because she seems like she'd be more forgiving when I lost my erection.
I agree. Mama monster seems so understanding. Now that you are all sexy and in shape, would you ever do Dancing With the Stars? I'm so desperate for gigs, I'd do a "What's Happening!!" reunion.
OK, no. How do you handle asshole hecklers? The same way ISIS deals with infidels.
Ha! I wish that was true so much. What is the best concert and the worst concert you have ever been to? The best concert is every time I've ever seen Black Sabbath. The worst would be the NWA/Tony Bennet tour of 2014.
What's your guiltiest pleasure? Vomiting.
Thank you for finally giving up your diet secret. Do you have any superstitions? Yes. If a transsexual walks into my room and her erection casts a shadow, I have six more weeks of sleeping on my stomach.
Haha I can't even. If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would you want to play you? Jared Fogle
Alrighty and if you could remake any movie and star in it, which one would you pick? X.
Do you think you have ever loved anyone more than Kanye West loves himself? No. But then again, he'll never love himself as much as I hate myself, so let's call it a draw.
Deal! Give me the scoop on hickeys. Do you think they're acceptable or fucking disgusting? Anywhere but on the genitals is disgusting.
Noted. Tell me three things that are on your bucket list. Fucking Scarlett Johansson. Going down on Scarlett Johansson. Ditching Scarlett Johansson.
Damn. Who's number one on your celebrity fuck-it list? Susan Boyle
So you're saying I have a chance! Super. If you had to delete your Facebook or Twitter, which one are you going with? Twitter because I enjoy "liking" when people announce they're ill or have had a death in the family.
What's something that you can't live without? My chin dildo.
Seriously, what would Jesus do? Blame the Jews
Hey, I resent that remark! What is something that you'd never say no to? Fucking a girl in the ass while eating cheese cake.
I mean honestly, who the fuck doesn't do that anyway? OK before we wrap here, hit me with the best advice that you've been given. Always give the wrong name if you forget to pull out.
Grab your tickets now to see Jim Norton this Friday and Saturday (October 9th-10th) at the Irvine Improv, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. Be sure to tune in for Opie and Jim Norton on SiriusXM and for all things Jimmy, check out his website www.JimNorton.com and follow him on Twitter @JimNorton.
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