"Look What The Cat Dragged In"-era Poison biopic!
What with all the concern over Bret Michaels' condition, I got to thinking: If someone were to make a Look What the Cat Dragged In-era biopic about the glam-metal band Poison, who would play the roles of each rouged-out rocker?
I know it's been weighing heavily on your mind as well, so I went ahead and put together this comprehensive list of the four most appropriate people to play these roles. When that fateful day eventually comes (which, with movies like The Back-up Plan being produced, it will) movie studios won't need to go through a slew of time-wasting casting calls to find the appropriate gang of glam-metal guy-girls. You're welcome, Hollywood!
Bret Michaels, as played by Tara Reid
Reid is ten times the rock star than Bret could ever hope to be. Where it took Michaels nearly a decade of fame and fortune to become completely ruined, Reid managed to do it within just a handful of years. She also has puking and plastic surgery down to a science, two integral aspects of portraying a believable Michaels onscreen.
C.C. DeVille, as played by Phyllis Diller
It's a little known fact that in the early days of Poison C.C. DeVille would borrow Phyllis Diller's wigs for the band's live performances. So who better to portray the most drag-queeniest band member in their biopic? Talk Diller to me!
Bobby Dall, as played by The Progressive Lady
She plays bass while saving you hundreds on car insurance! This is a true case of life imitating art imitating life: Dall himself now works part-time in Pomona as a telemarketer for Progressive.
Rikki Rockett, as played by any of the creepy kids on "Little Miss Perfect"
Oh, man... I'm waiting for Chris Hansen of "To Catch a Predator" to kick in my door just for looking at that photo.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Orange County, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.