Motrhead has a kick-ass new album out called Hammered, and it fuckin' rocks, dude! There are all kinds of killer songs about Armageddon and dead soldiers and demons drinking blood and eating some bitch raw and serial killers and stuff like that. Lemmy's voice sounds like a fuckin' chain saw with little chunks of human flesh flying off the whirling blades, and it's so fuckin' loud that fuckin' Satan must be shittin' his fuckin' diapers in hell! Dude, check it out—I actually talked to Lemmy the other day, and this is what he told me:
OC Weekly: If you were Armageddon, who would you spare?Lemmy: Nobody, I don't think. Probably all the girls between 15 and 25. Screw all the others—let them die. Who's your favorite serial killer?
Probably that guy who went all over the place for, like, 16 years and killed a lot of people. Remember him? Something-or-other Hell. They made a movie about him called Confessions of a Serial Killer or something like that.
Nope, don't recall that one. So what's it like to live in a state of dull, frustrated rage?
Well, you should know that. It's dull and frustrating, and it makes you lose your temper. That's it.
How did Motrhead mourn the death of the Queen Mum?
We didn't. She had a good run, you know. She was a great lady. She drank to excess and went to the races all the time.
What would be your solution to the crisis in the Middle East?
Shoot them all and start all over again, I think. I don't know. That's sort of a tough call.
You were born on Christmas Eve. How do you reconcile partying like a fuckpig on your birthday and worshiping the nativity of the baby Jesus?
Well, I don't worship the birth of the baby Jesus, and really, I don't party like a fuckpig either. You tend to stay home when it's both your birthday and Christmas Eve, believe me.
If you could select one rich person to eat, who would it be and how would they be prepared?
Let's see—uh, there's so many of them. [Long, thoughtful pause] Maybe Goldie Hawn. And she shouldn't be cooked. She should be eaten raw, of course.
Who cut the worst fart you ever smelled?
Oh, no, that's a good one. [Long, thoughtful pause] Probably me, I think.
What's your favorite hip-hop song?
I don't have a favorite hip song. I don't like any of them. I'm not a great fan of hip-hop.
What was the greatest rock & roll band of all time?
Really? The Beatles? That's a surprise.
I thought you'd pick something a lot more raw than the Beatles.
Well, the Beatles were pretty raw if you listen to "Twist and Shout" and "Money" and "Boys." They were a hard band. Not like the Stones—the Stones come from the fucking suburbs of London, you know.
What was the pussiest rock & roll band of all time?
That's a tough one, too—there are so many of them. I can't remember the name of them, but the guy wore a dress onstage.
No, not him, but he was in the top five. I can't remember the name.
Who was the greatest rock & roll bassist of all time?
John Entwistle. No contest.
If Sid Vicious weren't dead, could you beat him at arm wrestling?
Yeah, usually. He used to stay on the couch at our house. We used to have a squat with a big leopard-skin couch in it, and he used to sleep on our fucking couch.
When you were Hendrix's roadie, did you ever sneak a peek at his johnson to see if it was as huge as everyone said?
I didn't see it, but all the chicks told me. And then there was the plaster caster's thing—I saw that. Believe me, he was a hero.
If you hadn't become a rock star, what would you be doing right now?
How often do you change your socks?
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Once every three days.
Last question: Any message for your fans in Orange County?
Yeah, change your fucking socks more often. Those were some weird fucking questions.
Motrhead performs with Morbid Angel, Today Is the Day and Brand New Sin at the House of Blues, 1530 S. Disneyland Dr., Anaheim, (714) 778-BLUE. Sat., 8 p.m. $28.50. All ages.