Photo by Jeanne RiceBassist of Thee Makeout Party, weiner-wrangler at Concourse Bowl, damage-causer, bronc-buster by birth, rock & roller for life, and the only kid in the Orange County public school system who rolls into class listening to teenage head.
ANGELO'S HAMBURGERS. A pubescent boy like myself gets it all here: burgers, fries, soda pop, girls on roller skates and Cheap Trick in the jukebox. The locals here are total die-hards: they ride their bikes there, get drunk and hit on the waitresses—all while sporting weird facial hair, Oakley Blades sunglasses and neon-pink rattails. And they're there every time I go. Great! 511 S. State College Blvd., Anaheim, (714) 533-1401. THE GO-GO'S. I've been on the biggest Go-Go's trip lately, listening to all my LPs and the Return to the Valley of the Go-Go'sdouble CD continuously and religiously. There's something about them girls—mostly Jane Wiedlin. That voice! The Go-Go's rule, if you can get over Belinda's snooty nose and her airbrushed bosoms in Playboy. THE REGISTRATORS. This Japanese foursome puts any punk band to shame with their reinterpretation of '77-style new wave with Japanglish vocal stylings. No band can compete with this shit. 16 Wires From the New Provocate is one of the best punk records of all time. OFFICE SPACE. This movie is a cult classic already, and it's the funniest thing since Gary Coleman was caught driving a Hummer and hitting on Jules Asner on E! It's also a great icebreaker in conversations with weirdoes you don't know. You'll go on repeating lines like, “I told those ass clowns I liked Michael Bolton's music!” to one another for an hour and a half. Seriously. HYPE. I'm really tired of hyped-up bands that don't deserve it. All this fashion-victim rock & roll stuff is ridiculous. Bands like the Faint, the Strokes, the Locust . . . Why do so many groders like this stuff? The Faint wish they were from 1984, the Strokes are a watered-down rock band that shops at expensive vintage clothing stores to get their sex appeal, and the Locust is only popular because they're cute and fashionable. I mean, if they're so good, how come blind people don't listen to their music? THE STITCHES. Since the songs on Four More Songs From the Stitches are already sort of old, there's nothing new here except for record-collector geeks who can now choose from five different colors of wax! Let's collect them all! Ka-ching! (Er, I mean, Ka-pow!) And four songs on a 12-inch? What happened to four songs on a seven-inch? They're all pretty good, except one I could live without, even if the artwork is cheesy and too computer-animated (it makes me dizzy, and I want to throw up). Still, if you judge a record by the grooves and not the sleeve, then it's all gravy, and you can't front anyway because bassist Pete Archer is pure Anaheim! Represent! TED NUGENT.The Nuge! It all started as an inside joke, but before I knew it, I had a whole Nuge collection, complete with a poster on my wall and an urge to eat mass amounts of meat, preferably in jerky form. Everyone hates the Nuge for whatever reasons—and there are many—but that's the beauty of it: loving someone people hate. Plus, he was addicted to sex, and that's what rock & roll is about! THE BANANAS. One of the best-kept secrets in rock & roll, their album Slippery Subjectis a little different from their previous album, Forbidden Fruit. It doesn't have as many songs about creepy, stalker ex-boyfriend types, but it's just as catchy and will have you singing and dancing around in a spazzed-out manner all day and night. And they're a great fun, sloppy live band as well! SOME LOCAL BANDS. These bands deserve a little recognition, even if they're not as cute as the previous ones: the Alleged Gunmen, the Jag-Offs, the Pinkz, Gravy Train, Toys That Kill, the Starvations, the Leeches, the Rolling Blackouts and Thee Makeout Party (yeah, I can write about my own band if I want to!). Viva porchcore/slack mafia!
