Lahna Turner
Lahna Turner

Lahna Turner Will Make You Laugh So Hard, She'll Give You a Heart-Attack. No, Seriously, It's Happened

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Hot chicks are always appreciated in society, but meet one like Lahna Turner who can make you pee your pants with laughter and you've got yourself a rare find. Juggling a successful comedy career, a husband (fellow comedian Ralphie May), two kids an upcoming role in the movie "Teacher of the Year," and a freakin' podcast, we wonder if there's anything this superwoman can't do.

She's mastered the art of the guitar and utilizes it flawlessly with her greatest asset (no, not her boobs), her voice. Belting out a slew of song hilarity, Lahna has the gift of writing catchy melodies with chirpy, delightfully crude lyrics that make for one hell of an act. With two comedy albums "If These Lips Could Talk" and "D!@k Jokes and Other Assorted Love Songs" under her belt, you can tell what kind of message she is conveying and that message is straight up funny. Lahna is coming out to the Brea Improv this Tuesday August 14th for one night only so if you like good music and a good laugh (and really, who doesn't?), you have to get your tickets now!

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I have to tell you first that I talked to your hubby Ralphie and he told me of your genius of buying Easter candy the day after for ½ off. Mad props!

Lahna Turner: Yeah! [Laughs.] He's like the original goy anyways. Now we go out the day after Christmas to do Christmas shopping. I've got it on my schedule like, why go out the day before when everything goes on sale the day after? The kids are like, they're celebrating Christmas across the street tonight and we're like, they don't know it is tomorrow. They're wrong and we've got it right. I tweeted something about it and he thought it was funny so he kept re-tweeting it and making fun of me.

Seriously, how funny is your household? Are your kids funny?

The kids are hilarious. They're crazy! Most kids are pretty crazy and funny anyhow but they're insane. They're filthy too. Ralphie teaches them how to curse, like he encourages them! I know I'm going to be in so much trouble but it's so cute to see a two-year-old curse you know?

Kids cursing are really funny...when they're little! So did you start with stand-up and then incorporate the songs into it?

It was the other way around. I stared playing the guitar in second grade and I started writing songs in high school. I was actually very shy and no one even knew I played, I just did it by myself. Then in college I came out to play a little and I realized it was something that I wanted to do. I started writing funny songs to compliment the more serious ones that I was writing and realized people really like hearing funny songs. One day I wondered into a comedy club, did three songs and pretty much was booked on the spot. When I realized I could make a living off of it or make any money at all, I had to give it a chance.

Have you ever had a run in with someone who didn't "appreciate" your set?

Once in a while I'll see someone folding their arms and refuse to laugh or something like that. I've been saying lately something at the end like, "Oh you didn't want to laugh at that but I did make you laugh so technically, I raped you with my joke." It's comedy though! There was also this one time I felt like I was killing, it was an awesome show with a packed house. There was one this guy who was not laughing and as a comic you want to make sure everybody enjoys the show, it's an extension of yourself out there. So I'm watching him and I just can't enjoy myself on stage because he's not laughing at all. I was thinking if I should something to him like, "What's your fucking problem?" I'm so glad I didn't say anything because after the show he came up to me and bought four CD's and said, "That was the greatest show I've seen. I laughed so hard." And his mouth wired shut [Laughs.] I was like, "Oh no! He couldn't physically open his mouth."

Ha! I thought you were going to say he was deaf.

[Laughs.] Oh my god that would have been awful too. Once I was playing my "Schlong Song" and this whole table got up and left so as they were leaving I was like, "What's wrong? You don't like the Schlong Song?" Later I asked the people at the door if they were they mad when they walked out and they were like, "No he was having a heart attack. Apparently he was dying and I was busting his balls as they were leaving! Ralphie once had an induced labor. He breaks people's water. [Laughs.]

Jesus H! And you and Ralphie just started a podcast, how'd you get the name for it?

Yeah we're really excited. It started August 1st and it's called, "The Perfect 10 Podcast." It's an old joke because when you see us side-by-side, I look like the one and he looks like the zero so we're the "perfect 10."

I saw that you'll be doing a bit called "Black Guys F*in White Chicks." I happen to know a few people in this category if you need any info...

We're trying to get to the bottom of the stereotype. It's a hard thing to walk up to a large white woman and say so, do you have any stories? I think I'd get punched. It's not hard to go up to a black guy and ask though because they'll be like, let me tell you a story. [Laughs.] Most of them had stories that had some sort of motivation involved. The first one had been with his girl for a year and she paid for his gas. At the end we were talking about it and I was kind of sentimental about it thinking, after a year he must have really liked her. But no, he just liked free gas. He said when he came into town he'd go to Arco so she could get his car washed too! So funny. I know there are an awful lot of podcasts but what we're trying to do is get people into situations that they otherwise wouldn't be in, hang out with them, and get to know them on a deeper level. Our goal is to eventually do a video podcast so we'll just be adding stuff to keep people informed, laughing, and as interested as we can. It'll be a lot of fun!

Well speaking of fun with hopefully no medical emergencies, what's up for the Brea show?

Right? It's going to be a fun show. Be prepared to hear some raunchy songs. I'll do stand-up too and make everyone laugh. That's the goal. Come out and have fun on a Tuesday. Everyone thinks you have to wait for the weekend to have fun but no, what else do you have to do on a Tuesday night?

Follow Lahna on Twitter @LahnaTurner and check out her website at for videos, upcoming shows, Perfect 10 podcast info, and to pick up some awesome t-shirts. Get your tickets to see Lahna at the Brea Improv this Tuesday (August 14th) by logging on to or calling (714) 482-0700. The Brea Improv is located at 120 South Brea Blvd. Brea, CA 92821.

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality.


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