Justin Wood Will Rock Your Comedy Body

There's only one Justin Timberlake.
There's only one Justin Timberlake.

Good deeds don't go unnoticed and in our eyes, there is no better deed then serving our country. Justin Wood did just that with the US Army and even though technically his time in the military is over, it would seem that he can't stop serving. Case in point, he's taking part in the 4th annual Luispalooza Festival August 15th where proceeds will benefit Veterans suffering from PTSD at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center. And even though LA is technically out of our fare OC, we wanted to do some good too by highlighting this event so we hit up Justin to combat a round of Quick Questions.

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Before we go haywire, tell me about your part in Luispalooza.

Justin Wood: Well it's sad but, my battle buddy committed suicide so doing Luispalooza really means a lot to me. To be in this unique position where I'm doing what I love and can also help so other people don't have to deal with that, it's great.

Very great indeed. What's a topic you're super into talking about on stage right now? I do a lot of military stuff on stage because you know, any white comic can get up there and make dick jokes. I guess me talking about military stuff is original and hopefully, it's more memorable.

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Wait. So do you think only white comics make dick jokes? No, I think everybody makes dick jokes but not everybody can make military jokes. I think that's kind of what sets my act apart from others.

Gotcha. Have you ever used the word "fleek" in a real sentence? Fleek? No. I've never used the word fleek. [Laughs.] Wait, I actually have but I did it being sarcastic while mocking another comic.

Fair enough. Do you have a tattoo that you wish you didn't get? I used to but I finally figured out the perfect cover-up for it. When I was seventeen I got a hold of a fake ID so I went and got a tribal design on my shoulder blade. So for six or seven years I was trying to figure out what I wanted to cover it up with and then one day, I decided it'd be hilarious to get "I was once 17" over it with an arrow pointing to the tattoo. So it went from one of my worst tattoos to one of my favorites.

I love that idea! Finish this sentence; If I had one superpower it would be... I think it'd be flying because I'd be cool to just fly everywhere. I think flying dreams are the best to have too and I feel sorry for people that have never had a flying dream. Just a few weeks ago I was talking to some people and I found out that not everyone has flying dreams. They're missing out!

Noted. Hit me with three of your favorite songs. "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd is me and my mom's jam. "Believe" by Cher is my karaoke song and I can sing the shit out of it. Like, give me a few drinks and I will be karaoking Cher. And last would be any song by Justin Timberlake. They're all my favorite.

Justin Timberlake? What's your deal with him? Do you want to make sweet love to him or something? No, I just have a legit man crush on that guy. Everything he touches is magic. He kills on SNL, he's good in movies...whatever he does is great. People will get mad at me for saying this but I definitely think he's this generation's Frank Sinatra.

Ha! I would NEVER compare those two. OK so if you could have a superpower, why wouldn't you choose to turn into Justin Timberlake? There's only one Justin Timberlake. I think he's already a superhero because he has a bunch of superpowers morphed into this stunningly good-looking man.

I hope your comedy friends bash you for saying all that about Justin Timberlake. Are you going to put all of that in the article?

Oh you bet I am. You have a solid chub for JT and you really deserve to be ridiculed. [Laughs.] But, I don't hide it! I own that shit and that's embarrassing stuff!

Yeah it is. Speaking of good-looking dudes, Brian McDaniel is doing Luispalooza as well so I was wondering, how jealous are you of his looks? It does bother me because here's the thing, you can either be funny or be good-looking. Guys like me who are middle echelon, we have jokes that make us get higher on that echelon. But then you get a DICKHEAD like Brian who is good-looking and funny and it just pisses me off. It's like, one or the other buddy, you can't have the best of both worlds. Also, please be sure to print dickhead and please emphasize it.

Hey, done and done! So comics aside, who in your life makes you laugh the hardest? Probably my Grammy. It's funny because I'll call her and get a half-hour update on the weather channel. The day I got back from Vegas she had seen the fire on the 15 freeway and of course she was super worried about her grandson. She didn't know I flew. The first thing she said was, "I wonder what's inside those trucks. I wonder if they're carrying a bunch of cookies!"

Awww I love grandmas. Let's make her proud, shall we? What's your go-to porn site? I know every guy would probably say this but, I don't have one that if the moment arises I'm like, I gotta go there. Probably YouPorn though because it's the easiest. Everyone knows YouPorn. Shit, I didn't even know I had a go-to website until you asked that question but now, I guess I do.

Exactly. Tell me about the first time you got dumped. It was a 7th grade me sitting in my bedroom broken hearted playing a Boyz II Men cassette. It was a girl named Starla McWilliams that broke up with me and that summer at the county fair, she was walking around holding my best friends hand. I was like, what the hell? You can't do that! It's funny because in 7th grade there are no rules so you can just be as shady as you want. Looking back, I can't believe she did that. I'm going to look her up on Facebook tonight.

I can't believe you haven't cyber-stalked her already. You're slacking Wood. It's because I forgot! Do you see what you're doing to me? You're making me think about all of this shit. I have to go get on stage in an hour too and now, I'm just going to talk about Starla.

Well then you're welcome for the ten minutes of new material I just inspired you to write. What is your favorite curse word? I like calling people fuckhead. For the most part I have a pretty decent vocabulary but fuckhead is my go-to word. Especially when I'm driving. I think dickbag is more...

PC? No. [Laughs.] I think it's more offensive.

I think dickhead and dickbag are both good picks. Can you share some stand-out advice you've been given? Ummm...uh...hmmm.

I can give you some advice if you need it. Yeah. Please do.

Don't get "JT" in Old English tattooed on your neck. Ever. I don't know. I think I could start a movement with a tattoo like that.

I feel like I just gave you words to live by and you're not soaking it in. I mean, who knows though? Maybe that'll be the reason I make it! People will be like, oh yeah that's the dude with the JT tattoo on his neck. Then guess who wants a JT tattoo on their neck? Everyone.

Check out Justin Wood at The Garage for Luispalooza Festival on Saturday August 15th, 3387 Motor Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90034. For tickets go to www.Luispalooza.com. For more info on Justin, become a fan on Facebook and follow him on Twitter @Justin_Wood_.

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.

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