• Anything good is "crucial."
• A good guitar solo is "searing."
• A really good guitar solo is "blistering."
• A good vocal performance is "urgent."
• -A really good vocal performance is "angst-ridden."
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• -The word "groove" shall be inserted into reviews of all black performers.
• Reference Britney.
• -Any artists with half-page or larger ads in the mag shall receive no less than a three-star rating in the same issue.
• -Familiarize yourself with rock & roll's expansive history, all the way back to Camper Van Beethoven.