Hi, I'm Bob Saget and I'm a Riffaholic

I mean, I'm not a complete fool.
I mean, I'm not a complete fool.
Christopher Victorio

Anytime Bob Saget performs in OC, it's a party. Songs will be sung, poop stories will be shared, someone in the audience will likely get drunk, pass out and wake up with a dick drawn on their face. Anything can happen. Due to his unpredictable nature, it should be no surprise that the former-TV-star-turned-suck-dick-for-coke-bad-boy is all about riffing on stage and in life just to see where things go. The only thing we know is that he'll usually end up in some place funny (and probably disgusting). We got to talk with Saget recently to catch a little preview of the comedy riffmaster in action before his upcoming stint at the Brea Improv August 22nd through 24th. If you're not sure how random topics like carpool lanes, the physical properties of laughter and the romancing of animals can possibly amount to a funny conversation, we suggest you get curious and check this one out.

See also: Bob Saget's Helpful PSA's: Yogurt Cures Yeast Infections, Politics Are Boring, Don't Fuck Animals

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): I figured since we've done straight Q&A's before that we'd keep it light this time. You excited to come back out to Brea?

Bob Saget: Yeah coming out to Brea. Who knew? Well, I knew. I love coming to Brea because I can work on stuff. I've been doing kind of a "best of" but now, I know that I have the calling and the need. Thank goodness Brea has the reception. And, you can get there from here which is good. I'm going to get an inflatable dummy so I can sit it next to me and drive in the carpool lane. I would never do that. I would pick up a stranger so I could go in the carpool lane.

Upcoming Events

Or you could pick up a day worker. OK new job! A day worker willing to sit in a car during traffic. Can we make this happen?

[Laughs.] It's like a friend stand-in. I don't really have friends and I'm not bringing a beginning comedian with me. In the old days I would bring a comedian with me and then I would be like, uhhh...now I have to drive home with them too?

I feel like the only requirement would be that they can't have motion sickness. Well, unless you're twisted and you're into getting yacked on.

[Laughs.] Yes, but no. You don't even need to write anything. We should just riff back and forth. Have you ever done stand-up?

OK, no. I leave that to the pros. Honestly if I got on a stage it would be like that blueberry pie scene in "Stand By Me."

Ahhh you'd have a physical reaction. I've always wanted to see the laughter but if it's all people throwing up, you don't want to see that. There must be some way to see the gas coming out of someone laughing. You know, if you did some weird sort of red light scanning thing. You could see if people are really laughing by the color of the gas that comes out of them. If I could have a superpower, I'd want it to be able to see if the laughs were real or not.

Like with some heat seeking thing those police helicopters have?

Yeah that's what I need. That's like what they use in The Hurt Locker. Wait, not The Hurt Locker. [Laughs.] I mean in the real war. I mean in a movie version of something real. [Laughs.] Like one of those infrared things but I don't think it's infrared. See, this is where I'm going to need help in Brea. I need to have a beginning, middle, and end. I've been schmoozing with a lot of other comedians talking about how you go up on stage and construct new stuff, which is really a fun thing to do. It makes you feel not so roped in. I'm actually flying to Vegas to see Don Rickles because he's my friend and he's put me down so many times and that feels really good.

You want to pick up that huge name you just dropped so no one trips over it?

That's a big name! Only we don't say "dropped" when it comes to Don. He's so hilarious and I think it's more of a brag. He's like a dad to me in a way, only I hope it ends up better for him. Damn he's funny! I'm also doing a few gigs in Vegas this September. I've been going out to do a couple of clubs that I like and Brea is an especially great place to be able to talk to the audience because they're excited that you are there. And you want to deliver because the people are paying money. Even the cheapest comedy club can be expensive when you add drinks. And if you are eating nachos, you'll need to factor in the hospital bill for the stomach pump. I don't even know what they put in that. All of the food is orange so if you wear the infrared gear, then you can see that it is a dark, dark taupe. I think before they add food coloring to the nachos in a comedy club they look like a spleen.

Wow Dr. Science. I'm intrigued, go on...

[Laughs.] I think with most things before you add the dye, they look grey. That's probably the color for most of the things inside of us so it could be perfect. [Laughs.] Oh boy, do I need material for Brea! Holy crap! It's going to be the sound of one man riffing.  

You'll be fine I'm sure but at least you have your brilliant "PSA's." They're not "breaking news" but they're still kinda important!

Oh you're too sweet. Yeah I'm just one big long public service announcement. I'm just trying to stop getting young people to stop doing whatever they are doing. Just stop it! The truth of it is, I can't even watch CNN right now. I can't watch one thing that is happening because it's all so horrible and it's all so personal and human. We need to laugh if we're able to. For me personally, it's perfect timing that I'll get to be in Brea because I'll be ready to get on stage, be funny, and make them laugh. I don't want to make people laugh, better yet, allow them to laugh. "Make" sounds like, it rubs the lotion on its skin and does what it's told. I'm not Fifty Shades of Grey or anything, but maybe that would be my fantasy. To have those infrared goggles and then the whole audience is in that Fifty Shades of Grey dominance? They'd have no choice but to laugh! I just want to have fun, that's why I do it. I love that part of it. You know it's interesting because I get my news from Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert because I need my news to be buffered through a comedian in order to survive right now. I don't want to hear the news about people hating and hurting each other, I want to hear the news about a kid who got caught trying to hump a squirrel. I'm not that kind of comedian obviously, but I maybe could be. I mean, I'm not a complete fool. I just want to be funny and come up with different ways to the style I've found...which seems to change every time I do a special. I'm just starting to think now about what I'll be doing in my next hour. I think at this point I'm about seven minutes into it.

Hopefully it will include a message regarding people not fucking animals.

I'm trying to steer off the animals because I feel I have been very strong about it. I try not to use the word as a verb and use it more as an exclamatory if I can. I don't like it as a verb but I wouldn't say "make love" to an animal because I think that's worse. That's like cognac and a smoking jacket.

HAHA that's the best ever. Romancing an animal? Your mind is so quick, I bet it's hard to wrangle it all and whittle it down when it comes to writing.

It's interesting to think, OK I'm a comedian, I go to therapy, my mom just passed, and I have ways to deal with death, like, with my book "Dirty Daddy." That book is all about how I deal with it so writing that in a semi linear fashion is somehow affecting the stand-up that is coming out of me now. It's more conversational but I want it to be relevant and completely silly because that makes me happy. It usually comes down to puns. Or...a dick joke.

I happen to love a good dick joke. Is there anything else that you wanted cover or uncover before we see you in beautiful Brea?

I did just want to say one thing if you don't mind because it's been a sensitive week for everybody that does comedy. I was talking to a friend of mine that does comedy and was remembering when 9/11 happened, I was out the night before. When I woke up, a friend of mine called me to tell me to turn on the TV because it seemed like the world was ending there right at that moment. It was a dramatic moment. I watched the news all day and that night, there was only one thing to watch on television that was not 9/11 related. FOX ran Mrs. Doubtfire. So I will always remember for the rest of my life, and I'll tell it to my grandkids which thank god I don't have because I pay extra money to make sure I don't but, I remember watching Mrs. Doubtfire that night. I had seen it plenty of times but I was like, thank god this is on because the other options were all heinous. See, I say heinous and it sounds like anus and it gives me another five minutes. OK I'm saving my riffing for Brea. Brea's going to get everything from this conversation up until Brea!

Check out Bob Saget at the Brea Improv August 22nd through 24th, 120 South Brea Blvd. Brea, CA 92821. (714) 482-0700. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. You can see pick up Bob's book "Dirty Daddy" and get more info on his website www.BobSaget.com and by following him on Twitter at @BobSaget.

See also: Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.

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