MORE

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

Marquise Fivestar
Marquise Fivestar


So for those who have been totally unplugged from civilization and/or Twitter, Cal State Fullerton became part of some classic 12-12-12 lore thanks to a group of jewelry thieves and a rapper looking for some self promotion. On Wednesday, three suspects in an armed robbery and shooting at pawnshop in Moreno Valley fled in a getaway vehicle and randomly landed at CSUF. With police and media attention swarming the campus, a bored, enterprising rapper named Marquise Fivestar (born Marquise Cormier) had a brilliant idea around around 6 p.m. to start a string of tweets that made it seem like he was one of the suspects involved in the crime.

Of course, he had supporters and a ton of critics who blew up his Twitter handle nonstop. What better timing for an anonymous rapper to start dropping links to his songs to recruit new fans? Hurling a mixture of promo links and vagina jokes at those who challenged his actions, Fivestar became as close to an overnight sensation as possible in endless rounds of 140 characters or less. 

Several hours and 700 new Twitter followers later, Fivestar announced just before 12 a.m. that he wasn't a suspect. A douchebag stunt? Yeah. The only interesting thing to happen on 12-12-12? Um, double yeah. But more importantly, this textbook display of social media fuckery taught a lot of people, especially the media, not to believe every yahoo that posts on twitter. Here's five things we learned after the Wednesday thanks to Fivestars' now infamous hoax.

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

5. What's the best way to relax the night before a job interview? Start a Twitter hoax.

Few things are more stressful than an impending job interview. It's the kind of thing that can keep you lying awake at night running over possible answers to questions like "what skills do I have that are valuable to the company?" Just before announcing his fake getaway from police on the Tweetosphere on Wednesday, Fivestar mentioned that he was about to fill out a job application and prep for an interview. After Wednesday's saga, he can at least add words like "mass social media manipulation" to his resume. That's the kind of quality any company looks for in a new employee...even a prospective Starbucks barista.


Marquise Fivestar's pre-douchebag days
Marquise Fivestar's pre-douchebag days
Charlene Muhammad

4. Writing a book called "I Am Not a Problem Child" doesn't mean you won't be an asshole adult

As more details about Fivestar leaked out as his Twitter stunt developed, we learned that this guy was actually a child prodigy. No shit. At age seven, he was already a published author, penning a book about how he successfully fought his school's plan to put him on medication and special education classes titled I Am Not a Problem Child. Too bad the rapper won't  have the credibility publishing a follow-up book since it turns out he kind of needed both.

 

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

3. Campus lock down situations make for the best memes

If you were following the action at all, then chances are you got to see how the CSUF students managed to cope with the situation of being locked down in their classrooms for hours on end. How you ask? By creating hilarious Twitter memes It is here where parents really got to see the type of intellectual skills their tuition dollars were paying for. Trust us, parents, some of these were really funny. You should be hella proud. Using humor to combat a life threatening situation...sounds like people took a page straight outta Marquise Fivestar's playbook.

2. When pretending to be a fleeing robbery suspect on Twitter, be sure to make yourself look like a player as well...

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

1. No comeback joke stings worse than an insult to your mom's vagina

Even though Fivestar's Twitter hoax puts him in the running for douche of the year, the best part of this whole thing were the endless string of comeback jokes that highlighted your mom's/grandma's/sister's vagina and head skills. He may not have much of a rap career to look forward to, but if he could get a job writing vagina jokes, then rest assured this kid is going places! Here are few of the best...

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar


Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar

Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar
Five Things We Learned From the Twitter Fuckery of Marquise Fivestar


Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us at Heard Mentality.



Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >