Five Ridiculous Pieces of 'Hannah Montana' Merchandise

Five Ridiculous Pieces of 'Hannah Montana' Merchandise

Popular kids shows inevitably produce a bucketload of unnecessary licensed junk. What child of the '80s didn't eat grocery store birthday cake off of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-adorned paper plate at some point in his or her life? But ever since Hannah Montana premiered on the Disney Channel on March 2006, the show's preteen fans have faced an unending onslaught of merchandise that happen to have a slapped-on logo. Some make sense (dolls, t-shirts, DVDs), while others proudly push the limits of absurdity (like this unfortunately shaped candy).

So in honor of tonight's Miley Cyrus concert at the Honda Center in Anaheim, check out these bizarre pieces of loosely affiliated Hannah Montana paraphernalia.

Hannah Montana Ceiling Fan

There are a lot of ways to show your allegiance to something you like, but few hold the special kind of commitment as a branded ceiling fan, allowing literally every breath you take (within a given room, sure) to be anointed with the special Hannah Montana seal of approval. Sure, you might not be able to tell that it's any different than a normal ceiling fan while it's actually in use, but the comforting feeling that comes with inhaling Hannah-circulated air makes it well worth the $99.95.

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Hannah Montana Girls 3 Pair Panty Pack

...yeah.

 

Hannah Montana Tattoo Set


OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT TERRIBLE DISCOLORATION ON YOUR ARM? Oh, wait, it's a Hannah Montana temporary tattoo. That's...more normal? This item, found on the Disney store's official website, includes 25 temporary tattoos, because there's no better way for young girls to emulate their idols than getting themselves all fake tatted up. A clear gateway drug to getting some real Miley Cyrus ink. Steven Baldwin did it.

Hannah Montana Sandwich Container

Have you been sending your kid to lunch with their sandwiches in a normal sandwich container? Do they realize you hate them? Do you realize that they're resenting you with every mournful bite, idly dreaming of a better life where no sandwich is contained without the calming visage of Hannah Montana? It sounds like a beautiful dream, but now it's science fact. Finally, a proper place to put all those loose sandwiches you've got lying around.


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