Did William Shakespeare smoke pot? A team of paleontologists
want to dig up the bard's bones in the name of that inquiry according to Toke of the Town. South African
anthropologist Francis Thackeray first posited the theory that Shakespeare used
cannabis years ago after finding marijuana residue on pipe fragments in the
major English literary figure's home garden. Now he is asking for permission
from the Church of England to exhume the body in order to confirm it among
other things.
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Thackeray's team plans to use a technique called laser surface
scanning to determine if the body entombed is that of Shakespeare, probe into a
cause of death, and, of course, to see if the poet and playwright's inspiration
came from a little inhalation.
As the bones lay resting at the Church of the Holy
Trinity in Stratford-upon-Avon pending the Professor's request, speculation as
to whether William Shakespeare was high when he composed his famous literary
works only raises new questions about possible working titles or first drafts
of famous quotes.*
A selection of five
classic works of Shakespeare reconsidered:
A Midsummer Night's
Spliff
The Medical Marijuana
Merchant of Venice Beach
The Merry Wives of
Weed
Eighth Night
All's Well That Rolls
Well
Five famous quotes as
they might have originally been or intended:
“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May” (Sonnet 18)
“Get thee to a dispensary.” (Hamlet)
“We few, we happy few, we band of tokers.” (Henry V)
“A hit. A very palpable bong hit.” (Hamlet)
“All the world's a
stage, and all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many
parts,
His acts being seven ages. Don't fuck up the rotation.” (As You Like It)
*Special thanks to
Noah Zweig and Meleiza Figueroa for help compiling this list!
Gabriel San Román is from Anacrime. He’s a journalist, subversive historian and the tallest Mexican in OC. He also once stood falsely accused of writing articles on Turkish politics in exchange for free food from DönerG’s!