After that, don't ask me for shit.
After that, don't ask me for shit.

Chris Millhouse Thinks You Should Kill Your Selfie

[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]

Comedian Chris Millhouse is a favorite around Orange County and not just because his name is so fitting--he actually kinda looks like Millhouse from the Simpsons. He hosts and produces "Hot Comedy Action," a show that has been loved at our Southern Cali Improvs for years and you'll get a chance to check out the hilarity for yourself when the show hits the Brea Improv on May 11th. Before he heats up the stage along with an incredible line-up, we engaged this funnyman in one of our favorite games, "Quick Questions."

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Facebook or Twitter? Definitely Twitter because I don't have a filter on there. Especially late at night when I've been drinking.

Selfies: annoying or annoying? My advice: Kill Your Selfie.

Deport Justin Bieber or keep that little douche? Is it too late to abort him? If so, give him back to Canada.

Who in your life is funny but doesn't realize how hilarious they are? My entire family. They are all insane and it's hilarious. Half of my material is about or from them. To quote my mom, "I didn't realize how hilarious I was until I saw you tell hundreds of strangers stories about me."

When was your first time on stage? 2003 or 2004 at The Comedy Store in La Jolla.

Where the fuck is Waldo? Who gives a shit?

What else can we look forward to from you this year? Some small TV appearances, a lot of touring, and new dick jokes. And for the ladies, the best three minutes of your life.

If you won 20 million bucks from the lotto, what would you do with the money?

I'd pay for all my friends and family to go on vacation to an island somewhere. I'd call it the "don't ask me for shit" party because after that, don't ask me for shit.

What's your guiltiest pleasure? Black chicks. (I bet Donald Sterling has the same answer.)

Hickeys: acceptable or fucking disgusting? Definitely acceptable. Wear that shit like a badge of honor so the world knows you're gettin' some. (This answer shouldn't be surprising coming from a little nerdy guy.)

What's the biggest regret you have in life? Can I list all my ex-girlfriends names here? Ugh, I guess if you want a serious answer it would be moving to LA too soon. I moved here after only doing comedy for three years and should've waited until I was a better comedian. I showcased for stuff when I was way too green and I didn't realize you need to put in your time and work on your material before you try and compete with the big boys in stand-up. But in the long run, it has made me more humble and really work hard to get where I am so, I guess it's not that big of a regret.

If you were on death row, what would you pick as your last meal? Hands down a California burrito from a taco shop in San Diego. Best Mexican food in America.

What's your best memory from your drunkest night? 4th of July in San Diego three years ago. I blacked out three times and woke up with a girl who was definitely way too hot for me. I'm assuming she's still in therapy for that.

What's the best advice you've ever received? Invest in a supply of "morning after" pills. Actually in all seriousness, I've received a lot of advice from veteran comedians over the years. Some of the best was to just not be bitter or spiteful of younger comics that get success quicker than you. There's an incredible amount of bitterness in comedy and the entertainment business when it comes to that, which is ridiculous. We all know how hard it is to succeed in this business, we should celebrate those that do. Also, veteran comics over the years have stressed the importance of not talking about what you're working on or auditioning/submitting for. Let people read about it or see it when it happens, stay grounded and live in the moment. Was that too serious? If so, let's change it to the immortal words of the Notorious B.I.G., "Fuck bitches, get money."

Check out "Hot Comedy Action" on May 11th with Chris Millhouse at the Brea Improv, 120 South Brea Blvd. Brea, CA 92821. (714) 482-0700. For tickets go to For more info (like on his upcoming show at the Hollywood Improv May 25th), go to his website and follow him on Twitter @ChrisMillhouse.

See also: Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.


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