DEAR EXENE: My boyfriend works a pretty stressful corporate job that requires tons of emailing, smart-phoning and electronic annoyances of all shapes, sizes and sounds. Though I tend to bug him about turning off his gadgets when we're together on dates and stuff, I'm usually pretty understanding about it. Since a lot of his business is overseas, he gets texts and emails at all hours—typically hours we're having sex. I can already count on the fact that if he's not physically stopping sex to check his phone, he's at least glancing at it on the bedside table. It irritates me to no end. I finally blew up last week when I caught him slyly answering a text as I was giving him a blowjob (he tried covering his phone with a pillow). I told him that if he can't have sex with me uninterrupted, then he doesn't deserve to have it at all. We've talked about getting married, and I really love the guy, but this is driving me crazy. Do you have any advice on how I can help my boyfriend break up with his cell phone?
DEAR JEN: So you can never go camping, or take a drive out to the desert, or get lost in the moment in bed? Wow. What a drag.
Exene Cervenka is a writer, visual artist and punk rock pioneer. The OC transplant is the lead singer for X, the Knitters and Original Sinners. If you want to ask the legendary vocalist for adviceon your love life, politics, your musical career, filial relationshipssend an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
You could marry him and have a family, but when you give birth, he'll be running out to answer a call just as the baby is born. You asked, "How can I help my boyfriend break up with his cell phone?" You can't.
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Why don't you find a real man who can fish and hike and read books and take long lazy naps in the afternoon.
A message in general to everyone: People don't change in relationships. What you see at the beginning is the way it will be. And anyway, we are not here to change people to make them fit with us. We are here to be ourselves and find kindred souls. No, you don't have to be identical twins; you just have to be on the same frequency.
Honestly, why would you want a guy like that? Practical skills will be invaluable in the very near future. If he can't make a fire, pass him by.