Ask Willie D: My Wife Cheated While I Served Overseas. Help!
[Editor's note: Rap pioneer and Geto Boys member Willie D answers reader questions for our sister paper, Houston Press. Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!]
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
Dear Willie D:
My heart is aching so badly that I barely have the strength to write this letter. I'm a proud soldier in the United States Army. Iraq was my first war. I was deployed there in 2003 and had to leave my new wife and son behind in California. Although it was difficult to be so far away from my family, the pictures my wife posted of her and the baby on social media and the video calls kept my spirits up.
After my first deployment I came home and we moved from a small dingy apartment into a beautiful house. Things were going great. My wife, my son and I were spending a lot of quality time together. I was the happiest man alive. Then I got a call to deploy to Iraq again in 2009. I kissed my wife and son goodbye and off I went to serve my country again.
After about four months into my deployment I started noticing my wife was not as available as she was in the past. Whenever I tried to video call her she would make excuses and say her hair was a mess or she blamed it on technical issues. To make a long and embarrassing story short, I came home at the end of December 2011 when the war ended to find another man living in my house.
To make matters worse, not only did my neighbors tell me they knew but my family knew. My brother said because I was at war the decision was made to tell me just before I returned but because I popped up to surprise everyone they weren't able to notify me in advance.
I can't stop thinking about how she played me. This woman who is supposed to be my wife, moved another man into my house and slept with him while my son was in the next room; all of this while I was risking my life to provide for her and protect our future. I feel like snapping. My mind is gone and life has little meaning. What should I do?
Yeah, she really did a number on you, man. If I thought that snapping would help your situation I would tell you to do it, but it won't. If you harm your cheating wife and end up in prison or worse, she wins again. The worst thing you can do to her is move on with your life and live good without her. What she did was incomprehensible. The only type of dude who would be interested in a lowdown woman is a lowdown man, which is the type of dude she's likely to end up with.
I think you should get some professional counseling to cope with your issue because you cannot afford to lose control. You have a 6-year-old son to raise and you can't do it from prison or a pine box.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE
Dear Willie D:
What are your thoughts on democracy?
As veteran journalist E.J Dionne poignantly communicated, "Oh, yes, it works nicely for the wealthiest and most powerful people in the country, especially if they want to shroud their efforts to influence politics behind shell corporations. It just doesn't happen to work if you think we are a democracy and not a plutocracy."
More Willie D wisdom on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
I'm a woman in the competitive business of club promoting. A few weeks ago I went into a salon in California to get a color and perm. Thirty minutes later I was holding gobs of my own hair in my hand. I was so upset that I rushed out of the salon without paying and sat in my car for an hour crying. I canceled my jobs and appointments over the next few weeks and haven't worked since the incident.
I have always had great hair, but because of what the stylist did to me I now have to wear a wig. I'm too embarrassed to go out in public with a wig on, so most of the time I just stay at home and cry. At first I was just sad; now I'm mad and I want to do something about what she did to me.
She is an independent contractor so there's no big company to go after, but I want to sue her for pain and suffering and loss of income. Do you think I can win? Too Embarrassed:
In America you can sue anybody for anything. True story: a man sued himself for $5 million claiming he had violated his own civil rights and religious beliefs by allowing himself to get drunk and commit crimes. He was sentenced to 23 years in prison and the suit was thrown out of court.
I'm thinking your case has a tad bit more merit, but you never know. If the judge has ever had a bad hair experience with his or her hairdresser, you might win. If one of the jurors is a stylist or has a family member who makes a living in the hairdressing business they might sympathize with the stylist and cause you to lose.
Try reaching out to your stylist and talk to her about the situation. Maybe she'll be open to giving you a credit on future services or making a modest settlement. An apology from her wouldn't hurt either.
JEALOUS OF MY FRIEND'S NEW FRIENDSHIP
Dear Willie D:
My best friend is now a best friend of her coworker. They do everything together including shopping, partying and hanging at each other's house; much like we used to do. I can't stand to hear her friend's name because it's irks my ear to no end every time she tells me about something they did together. She called recently to invite me to vacation with the two of them in Maui.
I told her that I had prior engagements so I would be unable to go with them but what I really wanted to tell her was that I don't know your friend. I'm not going on a vacation and sleeping in a room with someone I don't know. I know I shouldn't be that way but I feel like I'm losing my best friend. Am I overreacting?
I totally understand not wanting to spend your vacation traveling or rooming with someone you don't know. But a true friend will never abandon you under any circumstances. No matter how many new friends come into your friend's life or how busy she gets, if the she is a true friend the relationship she has with you won't change. So you have nothing to worry about. Going forward, instead of hating on your friend's new friend try getting to know her. Consider why you became friends with your best friend in the first place.
If she was smart enough to have you as a good friend then her judgment is probably coherent enough to choose another good friend. Give the girl a chance. You might gain a new friend.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
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