[Editor's note: Rap pioneer and Geto Boys member Willie D answers reader questions for our sister paper, Houston Press. Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!]
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| Photo courtesy of Peter Beste |
DRUG DEALING COLLEGE ROOMMATE
Dear Willie D:
I'm a sophomore in college and I have the worst roommate ever. I recently found out she is selling weed out of our off-campus 2-bedroom apartment. I was looking through her closet for my jeans I let her borrow when I spotted the pot in a large Ziploc bag hidden under clothes she had piled on the floor.
When I confronted her about my findings, she flipped out and gave me a sob story about how hard it is on her financially. I explained to her that I didn't exactly have it easy myself. I bust my butt working part-time in the day while hitting the books at night to pay tuition and get my degree; a task made more difficult by the fact that every 15 minute someone is banging on the door to buy drugs.
Her boyfriend and all of his loser friends crash out at our apartment on the regular. I once went to the kitchen to get some water in the middle of the night and passed by her room to see them having sex.
Yesterday she showed me $22,000 in cash. I'm leery of living with her because people do crazy things for money. What if one of her boyfriend's friends came back to rob her and decided he didn't want to leave witnesses?
I want to move, but I don't make enough money to live alone and I don't know where to find another roommate. I feel like I'm walking in quicksand with my hair on fire. What do you suggest I do?
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Hair On Fire:
Drug Dealing must be part of the college curriculum, because I know a number of students from many walks of life who never sold drugs until they enrolled in college. My cousin had a promising basketball career until he got kicked out for selling weed to pay expenses his scholarship didn't cover. I'm still trying to figure out what made him think he could sell drugs and be a hoop star without anybody noticing.
Like their street counterparts, most students who sell drugs won't stop until they get caught. The money is too good and it's a lot easier than working long hours on a sorry job when they have to study. Your life is in peril and your collegiate career is being compromised. Try posting a wanted notice in the student center or newspaper. Maybe you can find a new roommate that way. If worst comes to worst, you may have to drop out of college for a semester or two, get your money up and return at a later date.
It's sad that you've been forced into this situation. Your friend's situation is equally sad. She obviously doesn't realize how dangerous the drug game is. Getting expelled from school is her least worry. No winners here, unless you count the loan companies and greedy universities who charge so much for tuition fees that it's not uncommon for a student to major in engineering and minor in drug dealing.
EX TREATS ME LIKE DIRT
Dear Willie D:
I ran into my ex while renewing my driver's license at DPS. When I walked in, he was already standing in line. When he looked my way, not wanting to be rude I said hi, but instead of reciprocating my greeting he looked away. To say the least, I was embarrassed, being that other people in line witnessed the exchange between us. The reason we broke up is because we argued about everything way too much.
He is the one who broke up with me and got into a new relationship immediately afterwards, not the other way around. We dated for almost six years; now he acts as though I'm someone off the street who robbed him or something. I could never treat someone that I once loved that way.
Just because you're no longer dating someone doesn't mean that you have to be enemies. Why does he treat me with so much disdain?
Embarrassed Ex:
Maybe your ex's animosity towards you is a defensive mechanism. He has to be angry with you to validate the decision he made to end the relationship. It could also mean that he still has feelings for you, or is jealous of the fact that you moved on and are doing good without him.
The best thing you can do is put him in your rearview mirror and don't look back. Otherwise, you could miss your entrance to a new freeway of love.
More Willie D wisdom on the next page.
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MY VIBRATOR INTIMIDATES MY BOYFRIEND
Dear Willie D:
Please don't think I'm being vulgar. I'm just trying to get honest information from a trusted male's perspective. Sometimes when I'm alone and in the mood I use a vibrator to satisfy myself. I tried to use it as an additional stimulator once when I was being intimate with my boyfriend and he got offended. His exact words were, “What, I'm not enough for you?” It's not like I was trying to replace him.
I still have my little friend but now I keep it hidden. Why are guys so intimidated by vibrators?
Good Vibrations:
Your boyfriend is either an idiot, insecure or both. Maybe if you had prepped him before you whipped that thing out he would have been more accepting of it. A few days prior to being intimate, you could have asked him, “What do you think about women who use vibrators to pleasure themselves?” His reaction would have given you an idea of where he stood on the issue. When communicating your reasoning for using a vibrator as with a man who watches porn, the operative word is reassurance.
If there's a next time, reassure your guy that he is more than enough man to satisfy you; the toy simply adds to the experience. A man who is confident in his ability to work the middle already knows that.
CRAZY WIFE
Dear Willie D:
I have been married for six years and have two beautiful children. My problem is that my wife has become a bully to my children and me. She has no regard for other people's feelings when she speaks; including our children's. At this point I may have fallen out of love with her, but I am afraid to leave for the sake of my kids. I fear what she might do.
Our entire marriage was based on smoking pot until we quit about a year and a half ago. We would get into an argument, smoke ourselves retarded and forget why we were mad at each other to begin with. But since we stopped smoking things have gotten worse. She has actually become physically and emotionally abusive. I don't know who to talk to because I am afraid of CPS getting involved and taking my kids.
My kids are all I have. I have no family except for my mother, but my wife wont even let her see her grandkids. I'm at a point where the only thing holding me together are my babies because I swore that I would never leave them like my dad left me when I was a child. I'm not sure exactly what I want or what I'm asking for, but please, anything would be better than my current situation.
Unsure:
I think what you want is to raise your children in a safe, loving environment and what you're asking is, do I think that environment should include your wife? The answer is no; at least not until she gets her act together.
Domestic abuse is a gender-neutral crime. Like women who get abused by men, you want to stay in the relationship for the kids. Physical scars heal but emotional abuse is insidious. It could take a lifetime for your kids to get past the damage already done. You need to empower yourself.
Contact law enforcement and file a restraining order against your abusive wife to keep her away from you and your children. Devise a financial plan to take care of your family and seek counseling. Stand up for yourself and don't be discouraged by people who might laugh at you or not believe that a woman is abusing you.
It's time society recognizes that abuse on any level is wrong regardless of the perpetrator's anatomical parts. Benjamin Franklin said, we are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. I concur.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back soon for more of his best answers.
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