Ask Willie D: My Girlfriend Doesn't Want Sex Anymore. Help!
[Editor's note: Rap pioneer and Geto Boys member Willie D answers reader questions for our sister paper, Houston Press. Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!]
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
Dear Willie D:
How do I make my baby daughter stop crying and go to sleep?
I guess you didn't get one of those after-birth pamphlets they issue in the maternity ward that tells you how to care for your newborn. But don't trip -- I got you.
When babies cry, it's almost always because they are either hungry or have a soiled diaper that needs changing. But sometimes babies have been spoiled to the point where the only way to put them to sleep is to hold and rock them. If neither of those methods work to put your daughter to sleep she might be sick, in which case you should seek medical attention immediately.
MY GIRLFRIEND DOESN'T WANT SEX ANYMORE
Dear Willie D:
I need some help. I'm in a relationship that's great, but the only thing is the sex. We don't have it enough. I try to do everything I can to set the mood, but all she wants to do is cuddle and kiss.
I mean that's cool, but not all the time. Then when I go in for the kill she wants to do it later or another day. I'm trying my best not to do something I will regret as far as sex with another female. Please give me some advice?
As time passes in a relationship the amount of sex you have, and the excitement derived from it, will ultimately decrease. It's up to you to decide how much. Sex relaxes men, but women have to be relaxed already. Trying to coerce a woman into having sex can lead to degradation, and anxiety, subsequently causing her to shut down even more. Sometimes women can go from being great sexually to not wanting to be bothered at all because their emotions kick in, and they start to feel objectified.
Your girlfriend is still cuddling and kissing, so it doesn't appear that she's moved on. It sounds like to me she's rejecting you because she feels emotionally/spiritually disconnected, or she's waiting on you to make a move and do something unusual to spice up the bedroom action. Ask her if she wants to try something new, or what it is that you could do better in the relationship.
Catering to your significant other goes both ways. While it's important that you consider her needs, it's equally important that she consider yours. Every true player in the game of love knows satisfaction is gained more often when you give it.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.
Dear Willie D:
I'm a 38-year-old man, and I can't date a woman who doesn't have a degree. She can't just have a degree in anything. She has to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or something along those lines. I have a Master's in Accounting, so if I'm going to be spending quality time with a woman she has to be bringing something to the table besides a pretty face, and voluptuous body parts.
My friends have told me that my standards are too high, but I just think that women who don't have a college degree are dumb. What do you think?
I think you're going to be a very sad and lonely man if your primary standard for selecting a mate is based on whether she earned a degree. You mentioned looks and job titles, but you failed to mention what matters most in a relationship: character. A career-oriented woman with good looks is appealing, but I'm more concerned with character traits -- is she honest, loyal, considerate, responsible, joyful, humble, generous, and compassionate?
It's okay to have high standards when choosing a significant other, but you can't always judge a book by its title. There are quite a few women out there who have degrees, and are intellectually dumber than a bag of rocks. There are also those who are academically gifted, but have no common sense or scruples.
Beyoncé doesn't have a college degree. I'm just curious to know: if you had an opportunity to date her, would you do it? That's what I thought.
I'M BEING TOUCHED BY MY COACH BUT I'M AFRAID TO TELL
Dear Willie D:
I play on the girl's freshman volleyball team for my high school and my coach, who is a female, keeps touching me. Sometimes she does it at practice but mostly it's when I'm in her office. She is very secretive about it. She'll be showing me what to do, and stand behind me where our bodies are rubbing together. She finds excuses to touch me all the time.
I was in her office once and she told me that my legs were strong. Then she started touching my thighs. It was really weird having her do that to me. My mom works in law enforcement, and all of my teammates like her so I don't want to get her in trouble. I just want her to stop touching me. I hope I'm not overreacting. What should I do?
Touched By a Coach:
You're not overreacting, your child-molesting coach is. I'll bet the ranch you're not her only victim. She might be the female version of convicted serial molester Jerry Sandusky, who coached at Penn State. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Tell your parents what's going on. Your bravery might give other girls the courage to come forward, and prevent her from claiming more victims.
I appreciate the countless number of dedicated, reputable educators, coaches, counselors, and others who work every day to assist and shape the minds of young people. However, any adult whose job description requires them to come into contact with children should be vetted like political candidates, and screened often. Your coach is a predator. Expose her.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back soon for more of his best answers.
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