Ari Shaffir Will Bring You More Laughs Than Hitler's Penis

I bet all of these people with micro-penises are like, ‘Hey! I’m not a mass murder!
I bet all of these people with micro-penises are like, ‘Hey! I’m not a mass murder!
Courtesy of Ari Shaffir

Between podcasting, shooting a movie, filming a show, and traveling around the country doing stand-up that brings him new fans on the reg, it’s a wonder that comedian Ari Shaffir has time to get to our fair county of Orange and drop some comedy on us. But he does. And he will be this Thursday night (March 24th) at the Irvine Improv. Before his first headlining gig in Irvine takes place, we talked to him about some of the important things in life such as, Hitler and John Hamm’s bulge.

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): You mentioned once when you were on Opie and Jim Norton on SiriusXM that you went back to using a flip phone to help with your social media obsession. I’m paraphrasing. You back on the iPhone or what?

Ari Shaffir: No, that’s still going on. Tweeting and texting takes a while so there are a bunch of negatives but, well, you know. [Laughs.] This way is way harder for sure.

You’re out of your mind. What’s your least favorite question in interviews? Just want to get that one out of the way real quick.

Oh man, what’s my “favorite” anything I guess. I don’t mind any questions though really.

Shit well, I’m sure it’s hard to narrow down but, who’s had the "best" story of all-time so far on [your Comedy Central show] “This Is Not Happening? 

That’s the same as “favorite.” [Laughs.] Words like best and favorite are too explicit. There’s been a lot of good stories though. The Jim Breuer one, Ali Siddiq from last year, and Joey Diaz is always great. You can always watch Joey tell a story and be entertained.

Joey is a god. Do you have a dream guest or is everyone just dreamy?

Yeah I mean, I love Bill Burr a lot so he’d be really cool. Him and Jim Jefferies would probably be my top two. For non-comedians I’d love to get Charles Barkley, Blake Griffin, Josh Holmes, or maybe Killer Mike.

I’d love to see Charles Barkley on there. As a fellow Jew, how do you feel about  Hitler making  headlines again? It feels like so many things can’t be brought up yet, Hitler is fair game.

I heard he has a small dick. But yeah, there’s no trigger warning on Hitler, huh?

Right? Everyone is so sensitive but with Hitler it’s like, let er’ rip!

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[Laughs.] Yeah it’s like, Hitler again! And there are all of these people super effected by him and they’re like, nah it’s OK. I wonder why that is. I’d really have to think it out but maybe the reason is because it’s history. Like, rape can happen now because it’s still in effect but, I don’t really know how they’d justify that. [Laughs.] The Hitler mention. I don’t care. I don’t think about the Holocaust all of the time. Also, I don’t want to read about his dick at this point if I can’t see it.

I’m with ya. I want to see just how micro that micro was.

Yeah! And then they try to blame that on why he was a mass murderer! I bet all of these people with micro-penises are like, "Hey! I’m not a mass murderer! That’s no reason to kill a bunch of people! I’m fine with it!

Ha! OK, let’s stay on the dick region for a sec because I read that you  shot a movie with John Hamm. Did you get to see his bulge? It’s all over the Internet that it’s pretty substantial.

Really? No. John Hamm has a big bulge? [Laughs.] I did not notice, I’m sorry. I wish I was in that area but I was not. I wish you were there to tell me. It’s bullshit really. I missed the perfect opportunity. How does he have a bulge? He just can’t find pants that fit him right?

I’ve seen the pics and in my opinion, the pants fit just right. No micro going on there. OK, off dicks and onto Irvine. How great is Irvine? So close to LA yet so far away…

I haven’t been to the new club so I’ve never headlined there so, it should be pretty fun. I’m going off the road here too after this year so every gig will be the last gig I do until 2018. So yeah, it’ll be fine in the sense of, I won’t be back here. [Laughs.] I’ve heard the new club is cool though and there’ll be all of those women with fake tans and the Metal Mulisha gang will come out. It’ll be great.

Grab your tickets now to see Ari Shaffir at the Irvine Improv this Thursday March 24th, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. For more on Ari, check out his website www.AriTheGreat.com, become a fan on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter @AriShaffir. Also be sure to tune in to “This is Not Happening” on Comedy Central Tuesday night’s at 12:30AM ET/PT.




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