'Anyone Who Attends a New Rome Quartet Show Will Get Laid or Your Money Back!'

'Anyone Who Attends a New Rome Quartet Show Will Get Laid or Your Money Back!'

Santa Ana-based New Rome Quartet describes itself as "acid porno jazz" , and the foursome-bassist Francis Cronin, sampler Dan Lapham, guitarist Todd Murdoch and drummer Stephen Monroe-plays an instrumental blend of soul, funk and jazz that makes me want to drink a fifth of whiskey, take off my clothes and shake my white ass (but not necessarily in that order).

Even Cronin himself says those in attendance at the group's upcoming show at Costa Mesa's Avalon Bar are guaranteed (his words, not mine) to not only drink white sangrias and dance like maniacs but also to go home with new friends.

Did you name your band thinking Sublime fans might think their new singer was in the group? And if you could get Rome, would the new band's name be New Rome Quartet with Rome?

It would be cool to jam with the guy, but I am The New Rome Emperor. Period. Maybe we could open up for them. I think their crowd would dig it.

Who will be the first person in the band to die and how/why?

I probably have the most unhealthy lifestyle in the band, but I'll say Steve the drummer because, historically, drummers croak all the time.

Don't you hate it when your drummer's friends show up to your gigs, get drunk off your drink tickets and then climb on stage to sit next to the floor tom?

I've never had a problem with people jumping on stage myself because it usually means they're having fun. Do drummers really have friends?

How in the hell did you get to be such a good bassist? Were you a nerd in high school or something?
I appreciate the compliment. Maybe it's because I'm really feeling it that it comes across that way. I'm still a nerd. I love the bass in all its forms and it's something I never get sick of doing. I've been lucky enough to travel the world playing my instrument and I get pure joy out of a well -executed bass line.

Do you guarantee that people will get laid at one of your shows? If not, do they get their money back?

Yes, you have my personal guarantee that anyone who attends a New Rome Quartet show will get laid or your money back! Usually the problem is people having too much sex at our shows and not showing up for work the next day. Sexy music is sometimes a burden on the economy.

New Rome Quartet performs with DJ OO Lady Lovah at Avalon Bar, 820 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 515-4650. 9 p.m. Wednesday. Free. 21+.

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