3hree Things: The Best of ... From 2011

Watch out for 3hree Things every Tuesday, in which Riley Breckenridge, drummer of Orange County's favorite local alt-rock band Thrice, gives his take on life in Southern California as an OC native.

3hree Things: The Best of ... From 2011

For the uninitiated, that


stands for "too long; didn't read", which is (unfortunately) the perfect comment/response to any

3hree Things

piece I've ever written, including this one. It's also my auto-reply to every email I get.

Before we get started on a new year of 3hree Things, I thought it might be apropos to take a look back at some of the "best" (read: most read, most commented, most "liked") pieces from the past year, and thank all of you who consistently read the nonsense that pours out of my brain on onto the internet via Heard Mentality. Whether you share links to these pieces on Twitter and Facebook, provide positive (or negative) feedback via the comments here or on Twitter, or just read and click a "like" button (or just read, enjoy, and go along your merry way), I want you to know that I truly appreciate your kind words and support. I'm hoping to do a quite a bit more writing both here and elsewhere in 2012, and it's encouraging to know that there are people who might appreciate that.

So, before we get to the "more writing...(in 2012), let's get in the Way Back Machine™ and go all the way back to June.

(note: click the title of each "thing" to take you to the original piece)
3hree Things: The Best of ... From 2011

1) Riley vs. the Carl's Jr. Loaded Breakfast Burrito

originally posted: June 7, 2011

Fueled by the success of November 2010's Riley vs. the McDonald's McRib piece, I decided to force feed myself another fast food disasterpiece and chronicle its unfortunate trip through my gastrointestinal tract. A losing battle, from the get-go.

Best excerpt:

If I'm going to birth a food baby (in this case, quadruplets), I'd prefer to do so in the comfort of my home (as opposed to, say, my pants). Eggs can turn even the most rectally sound folks into involuntary cropdusters, so as a "whatever's the opposite of rectally sound" kind of guy, I fully expected to spend most of the rest of my day defiling my couch cushions and fogging the halls of my house (much to my lady's dismay). And that's exactly what happened. All. Day. Long. I'll spare you the gory details of just how "loaded" my toilet ended up being after the Loaded Burrito had made its way though me, but I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that I heard something happen in my bathroom that sounded like a bulldog barking into a bowl of oatmeal. 

Best reader comment (sic):

we get it you don't eat fast food

And we get that you don't understand proper punctuation or capitalization.


3hree Things: The Best of ... From 2011

2) A Trip To The Right Field Pavilion At Angel Stadium
originally posted: july 26, 2011

I go to as many Angels games as I possibly can, and have done so for ages. I've known for years that the right field pavilion isn't necessarily the best place to watch a game from, but when the lady and I lucked into some free tickets we had to make sure that it was as bad as we'd remembered it. It was. And then some.
Best excerpt:

there's difference between taking your kids to a game to teach them to appreciate the sport and actually watch the game, and carelessly allowing your brood of screaming, sugar-drunk apes climb all over section 244 for nine innings. There was a particular family of six or seven seated just behind us that let their kids run buck wild; hurling food, climbing seat backs, kicking the people in front of them in the back of the head and neck, and belting out screams loud and high-pitched enough to make your teeth ache.

Best reader comment:

4 out of the last 5 updates have been about baseball. They've been funny, but c'mon.

The internet is an virtually endless well of readable content, and four pieces tucked away in little crack (this blog/feature) in that endless well of readable content that were semi-baseball related (and more sociological than anything else) merited a "c'mon". Well played, internet police. Well played.

3hree Things: The Best of ... From 2011

3) Life's Uncanny Ability To Punch My Ego In The Balls
originally posted: September 13, 2011
I have a tendency to keep my ego in firmly check by doing things that idiots would do, so that no matter which rare peak my ever-waffling self-esteem is riding at the time, I know that I'm just one dumbfuck move away from passively hating myself for another few months. This piece took a look at a few of those recent moments. (Rest assured, there have been a few more since September. Yay, me! :/ )

Best excerpt:


And that's when I sharted in my desk chair. As an adult. As a man. Not a baby. Not a geriatric. Not a sphincterally-challenged invalid. As A FULLY FUNCTIONAL ADULT MAN. 

Best reader comment:

The idea of my favorite drummer shitting himself is both haunting and indescribably funny.

That's why I'm here, I s'pose...to haunt and amuse.

Here's to more of that in 2012.


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