10 Sleaziest Rave T-Shirts at Ultra 2014

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Photo by S. Pajot
[Editor's Note: Over the weekend, our colleagues at Miami New Times' Crossfade music blog covered the depths of bass-dropping depravity at Ultra 2104--Miami's annual juggernaut of an EDM festival. Here's some of the coverage they were good enough to share with us.]

By: S. Pajot

Whoa! Bro! You got boobs!

For the last couple of years at Ultra Music Festival, male ravers have rocked increasingly explicit, sometimes anatomically correct, and often innuendo-emblazoned tees, resulting in many LOLs and WTFs.

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Some are funny. Others are gross. And others still are straight-up creeeeeepy.

We've carefully tracked the trend. We've snapped some pics. And now we present Ultra 2014's ten sleaziest t-shirts.

See also: 10 Walking Raver Cliches at EDM Festivals

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Photo by Liz Tracy

Let's hope you can accommodate a lady who isn't intoxicated, pal. 'Cause if not, we are renting a nice six-by-eight-foot room, where you can bide that time you ain't got. Say, three to eight years?

 

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Photo by Liz Tracy

On the lighter end of the sleaze spectrum, there is this little guy. He's just discovered mammaries. And boy, does he heart them. But some advice from us veteran breast admirers: Don't call 'em tits and stop walking around with your hands half-closed like you're ready to get grabby.

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Photo by S. Pajot

OK, guys. So this is what happens when you buy bootleg Ultra Music Festival merch from "some dude on the street with a bag." You end up wearing matching neon pink tanks that don't actually match, with wandering logos and sleazily out-of-sequence catchphrases.

What a waste of money that could've otherwise been spent on "Pussy, Weed, Molly" or "Pussy, Molly, Weed" or "Weed, Pussy, Molly."

 

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Photo by S. Pajot

Oh so Miami, bro.

Grillin' some meat on the beach. Bangin' in the public restroom. And crankin' the boombox to "MAX" volume.

It's simple. It's Spanglish. It's sleazy.

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Photo by S. Pajot

Uncommonly, this t-shirt's sleaze is situated on the back.

There, a guy with a thing for spiky leather bracelets is yanking on some poor girl's hair while apparently trying to give her a rectal exam.

Now we aren't entirely sure about the exact meaning of "Good High, Bad Bitch." But we'd just like to say, "Sorry, Molly."

 

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Photo by Liz Tracy

It's adorable that this posse of pals got together for a handmade t-shirt sesh. They painstakingly tie-dyed six tees, all matchy-matchy. They carefully cut the entire sides out, which is perfect for showing just a little nipple. And they came up with playful, individual slogans like "Fatty," "I Heart Shots," "Booty Guard," and "Who's Your Daddy?"

But Misters "Suck It or Fuck It" and "Sit on My Face" ... We're sending you back to the craft room.

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Photo by S. Pajot

Yeah. Maybe if you ask twice and wear flag capes, it'll happen.

 

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Photo by S. Pajot

In 1939, with the bloodiest war of the 20th century looming, the Brits were facing the imminent likelihood of being bombed from above by Nazis for hundreds and hundreds of days. So they created a saying, "Keep Calm and Carry On," to help keep the people chipper.

But in an era when all bros gotta worry 'bout is bass bombs (and not being literally buried under a pile of smoking rubble), the average male citizen's worst anxiety is whether or not there's a loose woman with low enough standards to touch his wee-wee.

Props on the matching spike-studded cap, though.

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Photo by Liz Tracy

What's so sleazy about Ibiza? It's beautiful this time of year.

Well, we're not talking about the t-shirt.

Look down.

See Also: Is Ryan Jaso An EDM Mogul in the Making? How Did TJR Become a Mega Club DJ? By Being a Good Opening DJ Pete Tong's Thoughts on EDM of the 'Grand Theft Auto Generation'

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