Jesse Thomas Cook
Jason David Brown
Nicole G. Leier
As citizens evacuate, including Jack's pregnant wife (Molly Dunsworth), Jack goes to the local irrigation facility, falls in a hole, and finds that the problem is being caused by dead bodies that were dumped into the water system by chainsaw-wielding psycho Lord Auch (Tim Burd), who speaks in animalistic chirps and has his teeth sharpened on a machete by his French goliath brother (Robert Maillet). Such nonsense is mined for absolutely no terror, as Jack spends the majority of the film alone, mutating into a monster, drinking dead rats' blood, and screaming about absolutely nothing of consequence.
Just as dispiriting as its lack of scares (or sense of humor) is Septic Man's lack of purpose — devoid of any commentary, the film pointlessly wallows around in the muck, thereby making itself as valuable as those nasty things routinely flushed down the toilet. (