Tom Cruise Is Straight and Other Hollywood Conspiracies

As everyone knows, Hollywood—which is controlled by Jews—controls the media. And the media, of course, controls how America views itself and how the world views America. But what most people don't know is that Hollywood and the evil people who run it have a secret agenda at work in every single movie, no matter how innocuous-seeming.

What do they want you to believe after you've spent two hours in the dark, watching a movie? What are the hidden meanings and secret messages of popular movies? These are the questions answered in Uri Dowbenko's Hoodwinked: Watching the Movies With Eyes Wide Open.

Did you know that Primary Colors—which most people think portrayed President Bill Clinton as a womanizing, overweight blowhard—was actually a $65 million commercial for the ex-Arkansas governor? Did you know Clinton turned Arkansas into a “Banana Republic” for the CIA during the 1980s? Or that Clinton himself is an “illegitimate Rockefeller offspring?” If you didn't know these things, then you should read Dowbenko's book. Its logic is beyond reproach—Kill Bill, Vol. 1 is a recruiting tool for CIA assassins . . . well, duh—though it is interesting that in chronicling the hidden messages in popular movies, Dowbenko has chosen some of the least popular ones with which to do it. To wit:

•The Avengers—which made, like $12—trivializes the truth about weather control. “Weather control . . . is not, repeat, not science fiction,” Dowbenko declares. “In 1976, the U.S. signed a UN treaty called Convention on the Prohibition of Military or Any Other Hostile Use of Environmental Modification Techniques, which . . . prohibits the use of techniques that would have widespread, long-lasting or severe effects through deliberate manipulation of natural processes and cause such phenomena as earthquakes, tidal waves, and changes in climate and weather patterns.”

•Eyes Wide Shut—which somehow managed to turn people off of not only sex, but also sex between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman—”is another signal to the world that everything—including the governance of Planet Earth—is under Illuminati control,” Dowbenko argues. “It may also be significant that the film's director, Stanley Kubrick, died suddenly. Mozart, a Mason, died soon after revealing Masonic mysteries in his opera The Magic Flute.”

•The Siege—which we didn't even know was a movie—stars Denzel Washington and “is a slick commercial for the coming American police state,” Dowbenko says. “Reinforcing the bogus cover story/legend of a 'truck bomb' blowing up the Oklahoma City Federal Building, there's—you guessed it—a truck bomb in The Siege which destroys One Federal Plaza in New York. Glory was about African-Americans being brainwashed to fight the Civil War. Courage Under Fire was about Americans brainwashed to fight the Gulf War.” Since Denzel Washington was in all three movies, The Siege conclusively proves that Denzel is a tool of the Illuminati.

There are other movies—movies people actually saw—mentioned:

•M. Night Shyamalan's Signs is a crude attempt to cover up the truth about crop circles. “Signs lamely tries to explain crop circles as landing strips for aliens who come to conquer the Earth (as if technically advanced beings from another galaxy need such pedestrian and mundane markers),” Dowbenko writes. As everyone knows, crop circles are actually “shadows cast from the fourth or fifth dimension into the third dimension.”

•Just as Schindler's List was “Holocaust porn,” Amistad is a barely veiled attempt by Steven Speilberg to cash in on slavery. “While Waterworld and Back to the Future make entertaining rides and theme-park experiences, who would want to whip slaves (or be whipped, for that matter) in an Amistad virtual reality ride?” Dowbenko asks. “Unless it's tied in with an S&M theme park. Speilberg's marketing people have probably proposed it. The merchandizing aspect has potential, which Dreamworks has no doubt been researching. Promoting slave bracelets for impressionable teens might work. Or even a tie-in with McDonalds for 'CinqueBurgers.'”

•The violence in Kill Bill, Vol. 1 is meant to desensitize audiences into becoming willing assassins for the CIA. “This is the movie they'll make you watch in CIA mind-control torture sequences when they strap you down [and] shoot you full of drugs,” Dowbenko writes. “It will desensitize you in no time. Maybe they'll even make you watch it when you join the Army.”

•Unlike most Steven Speilberg movies, Minority Report purposefully avoids bringing aliens onscreen so the director can focus on perhaps the most nefarious conspiracy of all: trying to con audiences into believing Tom Cruise—whom Dowbenko dubs “the Rock Hudson of his generation”—is a heterosexual.

HOODWINKED: WATCHING THE MOVIES WITH EYES WIDE OPEN BY URI DOWBENKO; CONSPIRACY DIGEST. PAPERBACK, 336 PAGES, $19.95.