Have Sex, Smoke Pot, Get Paid
Photo by OCW StaffJob description: Having sex for medical research.
Hours: I wish . . . sorry. Hours are flexible with participants arranging times to have sex in their homes or hotel rooms, just like Strom Thurmond.
Experience necessary: Only sexually active people need apply, so pretty much anyone attending public school. Kidding! You have to be 18 or over.
Pay: They claim some people can make as much as $1,000 per week.
Perks:Free adult entertainment for arousal. Fifteen-minute relationship that will last a lifetime . . . or a lifetime of 15-minute relationships.
Euphemistic job title: Fluid Distribution and Recovery Technician; Earning a Masters & Johnson; World's Most Happiest Fella/Gal.
Contact:(714) 647-1957 or www.safesexgetpaid.com.
Job description: Egg donor.
Experience necessary: Menstruation. Beyond that, all types are welcome since couples of all backgrounds and races want babies. Still, college graduates are preferred.
Pay: Ranges from $5,500 to $7,500.
Perks: Free medical testing. Outpatient procedure. Somebody else gets up for the 4 a.m. feeding.
Euphemistic job title: Womb Evacuation Resource Specialist; Mobile Fertility Clinician; Humpty Dumpty.
Contact: Options National Fertility Registry, (800) 886-9373, ext. 913. Job description: Smoking pot for medical research.
Experience necessary: Having smoked pot a must; having toured with Cypress Hill and/or Amy Grant a plus.
Pay:Varies, though some studies have paid as much as $2,000.
Perks: The National Research Group, the good people that gave you www.safesexgetpaid.com, publish The Confidential Report, which tells you not only how to get paid to have sex or smoke pot but also how to get as much as $6,500 to sleep or $3,900 for smoking. You know, workers in this country used to make steel.
Euphemistic job title: Cannabis Quality Control; Phish-Pharmacologist; Doobie Brother.
) Contact: Options, (714) 647-7740 or www.smokepotgetpaid.com. Job description: Internet male model.
Experience necessary: None. They'll take anyone for their catalog and Internet jobs, though there is a glut of women. Says Dave of Fineline Internet, "We need guys." Hey, get in line.
Pay: Ranges from $400 to $1,000. Some make as much as $25,000 per year.
Perks: They'll take anyone. Well, as long as you have a good attitude, aren't into drugs and don't mind a little, oh, how should we put this, hardcore Internet sex. "It's doesn't matter what they look like," says Dave. There's a market for every type. We can find work for anyone as long as it's for hardcore sex. Anyone. You can be 400 pounds . . . with one leg."
Euphemistic job title:E-Urologist, Bad to the Bone, Randy.
Contact: Fineline Internet, (877) 411-0330.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Orange County, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.