I'm sorry, but I did not know it was a crime to be young and tattooed at 10 a.m. You were one of Lake Forest's dumbest: the cop who pulled... More >>

I am the nameless barista that "screwed up" your half-decaf, extra foam cappuccino by accidentally using milk that was 150 degrees instead of the... More >>

I salute you, Air Force warrior. But the war on terror doesn't qualify you to treat civilians like Afghan villagers. About 30 of us nerds stood... More >>

You were the elegant sixtysomething Latina at the Cuban restaurant a few weekends ago. I was the guy sitting at another table just behind you.... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulI doubt you two stoners read anything -- probably not even the warning labels on your Ritalin -- so you're not likely to... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulI'm the guy who used to get my coffee and bagel (sesame, un-toasted, lox spread) every Thursday on my way to my weekly gig... More >>

We began running our popular "Hey You!" series back in 1998, and over the years, the missives we've received from anonymous readers have most... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulHey, tagger! I would call you by your preferred moniker of graffiti artist, but that would imply that you had some talent,... More >>

Mom: I know you read the Weekly,and you believe everything they write. So please listen. I think I should get my belly button pierced because... More >>

Hey you! I thought you were my friend's girlfriend? I guess things aren't always what they seem. You looked at me with those lusty eyes late last... More >>