Illustration by Bob AulWhen you joked at your dinner party that you were in need of a painkiller, you told me all I needed to know: that... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulYou showed up at our party with a mutual friend. After a couple of drinks, several of us decided to take a swim in the... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulWhen I first met you the other night at the bar, I liked you. You seemed friendly. That's why I was joking with you. You... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulTen minutes a day is all it would take. Aren't we worth it to you? Can't you see the look on our faces? Obviously not... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulWhat didn't you understand about our mother's will? It clearly stated that our bro got the house, and you and I were to... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulTo the lovely woman dining at Houston's on a recent Wednesday night: GET OVER IT! So your fish wasn't cooked enough. You... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulThere it is: your name in the Calendar section of OC Weekly—trendy local venue, sounds like fun, good for you. You... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulHey, thief! I was the guy driving a piece-of-shit car in Huntington Beach two weeks ago when you suddenly... More >>

Illustration by Bob AulHey, sister! You're 10 years younger than I and working for the president of the United States. Could I be prouder? My cup... More >>

So maybe you don't know that Shrimp Boats are about as authentically Japanese as pizza, but get a clue from the people sitting around you at the... More >>