Whodoesn't have syphilis? Idon't have syphilis! But . . . can you say the same? The Gay&LesbianCommunityServicesCenterofOCwill let you know for sure. Now with HIVtestingtoo! 5 p.m. Gay & Lesbian Community Services Center of OC, 12800 Garden Grove Blvd., Ste. F, Garden Grove, (714) 534-0862; www.thecenteroc.org.
What is this giganto event at Cal State Long Beach? Offspring? Transplants? MXPXand Mike Wattand like 30 other bands? Well, what the hell, y'all? Nobody tells me shit around here! 12 p.m. $28.50. All ages. CalStateLongBeach,BellflowerBoulevard&SeventhStreet,LongBeach,(714)740-2000.
Hootenanny's something I know a little more about. For most of this year's lineup they've rounded up the usual roots and rockabilly suspects—SocialDistortion, Jimmy Intveld, Cadillac Tramps, Lee Rocker, Throw Rag, Hot Rod Lincolnand Deke Dickerson. But they've also got JuniorBrownand the legendary 'billy thug Link Wray, who draws synonyms for "malevolence" the way Kevin Federlinedraws flies. Come on down to the canyon (bring sunscreen!) and have yourself a right fine day. With Nekromantix; Road Kings/J. Dayton; Ricky Warwick; Three Bad Jacks; Levi Dexter; Dexter Romweber; Devil Doll; Los Infernos; Hot Rod Lincoln; and Ghengis Con-Job, 12-8 p.m. $49.50-$100. All ages. Oak Canyon Ranch, past Irvine Lake, Santiago Canyon Road, Orange, (714) 740-2000.
Don't forget the traditional Afternannyat the Doll Hut, where $7 gets you Hellbound Hayride, Kid Ramos, James Intveldand The Rocketz. 21+. Doll Hut, 107 S. Adams St., Anaheim, (714) 533-1286; www.dollhut.com.
You didremember to take two aspirin and drink a glass of water before you went to bed last night, yes? Good. Now head to your favorite bar and grill, and saddle up to a Bloody Mary. Pretty much anywhere in San Juan Capistranowill do.
I can't decide what y'all should do for the Fourth of July. There's the Huntington Beach parade, of course (bring your own flaming couch!), and I'm seeing that the PacificSymphonyOrchestrais playing with TheKingstonTrio(on whom AMightyWindwas based), emceed by the one and only PatSajak(!!!) with music that "includes a tribute to John Wayne . . . and Casey at the Bat," not to mention a tribute to American armed forces, so that sounds nice. 8 p.m. $18-$101. Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, 8808 Irvine Center Dr., Irvine, (949) 855-8095; www.pacificsymphony.org.
If you're not a total tool, you might want to head over to the MouseHouseofBluesfor a show by LyleLovettand his Large Band. There, doesn't that make you feel a whole lot better? 8 p.m. $52.50. All ages. HouseofBlues,1530S.DisneylandDr.,Anaheim,(714)778-2583.
Or if you'd like something considerably more free, head out to Powayfor the Hank Show, all Hank Williams, all the time. 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. All ages. Free! Old Poway Park, 14134 Midland Rd., Poway, (858) 679-4252.
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Hey, isn't it just great being back at workafter that long weekend? Isn't it just so happy and fun? I really can't help you today.
But a Bloody Mary can! Hop to it. Go ahead now! Hop!
We had a really funny thing here on domestic violence, but it turns out the Mariposa Women's Centeris no longer doing Assertiveness and Self-Esteem Training. Instead, they've got Occupational Therapy Stress Management. You know how we reduce stress? Yeah, you got it? With a drink. Bloody Marys all around, folks! Or, you know, this workshop. 1-2 p.m. $10 suggested donation. 812 W. Town & Country Rd., Orange, (714) 547-6494.
Brand-new hipster bait TheBasementLounge(Dennis from Koo'snew cabaret-style club) awaits you, as do GreaterCaliforniaand Keven Utsler, with DJs Jacob Penaand the Weekly's own Chris Ziegler. Jacob's dreamy, in a "record-store-clerk-who-would-never-give-you-the-time-of-day" kind of way. Ick. Who needs it? 8 p.m. Call for cover. 21+. The Basement, 149 Linden Ave., Long Beach, (562) 901-9090; www.basementlounge.com.