In an ink-stained freelancer's cluttered home office far, far away, there was a critic who thought he knew everything there was to know about art. He'd studied Inside the White Cube: The Idealogy of the Gallery Space, subscribed to Artforum, knew the difference between an installation and an exhibition, worshiped at the no-nonsense feet of Coagula Art Journal, took classes, could appreciate performance art, and even watched all four seasons of Art In the 21st Century on PBS. Then along came artist Hugh Brown and his goddamn chain-saw "collection" at Grand Central Art Center Gallery—for which Brown created spot-on homages to the styles of such well-known artists as Andy Warhol and Georgia O'Keefe, only with chain saws somehow incorporated into each "lost work" by the master in question—and all of that knowledge and hard work was for naught. Said critic is currently plotting his unholy revenge.