Where is my gopher? Where is my possibly drug-addled assistant groundskeeper and his stories of hitting the links with the Dalai Lama? Where is my polyester-pants-wearing foul-mouthed friend with a killer golf bag and fuck-you money? Ah, Caddyshack: the sole connection for many of us commoners to the greatest game ever played. But it ain't gotta be that way. The Costa Mesa Country Club provides a great experience, with just about everything you'll need to eat up the weekend. Two full courses, the Mesa Linda and the Los Lagos, have weekday rates from 20 bucks (weekends from $30), plus discounts for fogies and kiddies. There's a driving range, hunky golf pros, daily tournament play and, of course, a full bar for that little drinkie-poo at the 19th hole. So even if you're a terrible golfer with hand-me-down clubs who couldn't get on a top-notch course even if you could afford it, you can still find total enlightenment on the links of Costa Mesa.