We hate saying this because, sheesh, it's that school, but the private Catholic bastion in the heart of Santa Ana—which is one of the largest (with 2,100 students), wealthiest (tuition is $13.2K per year for Catholics, $14.6K for heretics) and insufferably full-of-itself schools in the county—is an absolute powerhouse when it comes to athletics (and pedophilia, but that's for our Scariest People issue). The boys' football and basketball, as well as girls' basketball, teams are perennial pains in the ass for everyone except the Orange County Register, which has developed a cottage industry of polishing bishops. But it's not just the big programs. The boy Monarchs finished in the top 10 in the Register's rankings (one thing that fish wrap does very well is keep tabs on high-school athletics), but also water polo (first), swimming, track and field, and volleyball. And the girls were top-ranked in basketball (as with the boys' squad, they made the state championship, only to lose) and top 10 in golf, lacrosse, soccer, softball, swimming, track and field, volleyball, and water polo. Sure the rest of the county hates the school, but, dayum, you can't argue the facts.