rss Email Author ANONYMOUS

2008 Stories by ANONYMOUS

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  • [Hey, You!] Festival of Lightsabers

    published December 25, 2008

    Thank you, thank you, thank you to my son’s first-grade teacher for clueing in the kiddies about Hanukkah. My non-Jewish, extremely... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] 'You Can't Do That'

    published December 18, 2008

    Hey, lady behind the glass partition at the Orange County animal shelter: When you set aside a cat for your friend, make sure you take it off... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Recycle, Reuse, Revolting

    published December 11, 2008

    Thanks for leaving the crumpled toilet-seat cover stuffed over the handicapped bar. I could tell it was used because the center part was torn... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Trust-Fund-Baby Blues

    published December 4, 2008

    The company meeting you held? Which lasted an hour? The one you decided to conduct 15 minutes before I was about to get off? The meeting that... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Loser 101

    published November 27, 2008

    You’re the jerk who walked up to my car in a parking lot in Naples. Unfortunately, the window was down. You stole my CD right from the... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Better Watch Your Mouth . . . Payback Is a Lady

    published November 20, 2008

    You are the frat-boy morons who party across the street every weekend. I usually ignore your drunken football-game re-enactment commentary, but... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Good Help Is Hard to Find

    published November 13, 2008

    This is for the man who works at the Laundromat down the street. Yesterday was the first time I came by to wash my clothes after moving... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] It Was for the Children, Asshole!

    published October 23, 2008

    I was working a booth at SevenStock. It was the JDRF booth, so all the money goes to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. You could call... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Bicycle Thief

    published October 16, 2008

    I was on the Disneyland bus, half-asleep, minding my own business, going to spend a little quality time with my litle girl when I opened my... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Clock Watcher

    published October 2, 2008

    You’re the lazy “supervisor” who did absolutely nothing and let me scramble around getting YOUR work done for years. You... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Good Samexicans

    published September 25, 2008

    Times are tough, which is why my car ran out of gas on the 55 South the other day. I managed to coast it onto the Edinger offramp, where it... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Beef Board!

    published September 18, 2008

    Let me give you a little tip. Advertisements for beef should be appealing and make you want to actually eat some red meat. When I look at a... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Fear of a Brown Hat

    published September 11, 2008

    I was at Ralphs last week, just be-bopping along, minding my own business. My beau and I walked over to the seafood section to get fresh... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Maggot Brain

    published September 4, 2008

    We share carport space at a condo. Your trash cans seem to have a regular problem with maggots. Can’t you buy new ones that don’t have... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] The Tale of the Three Ignorant Pigs

    published August 28, 2008

    You were the three fat pigs at the Gypsy Den in Santa Ana on the last Friday of July, sitting at the round table closest to the stage, on which... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Bus Fuss

    published August 21, 2008

    My car recently broke down, and I find myself "bus-bound," which in these days of outrageous gas prices may be a blessing. Except for all you... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Bad Dog, Er, Dad!

    published August 14, 2008

    This goes out to all those idiot parents who act like they bought their offspring at a pet store. I've seen plenty of you assholes and would... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Surf Punk

    published August 7, 2008

    You were the balding 40ish guy in the tattered spring suit and the fun board who was changing next to my friend and me at Cottons last Sunday.... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Anger Management

    published July 31, 2008

    I know you're my manager, but since when did fucking embarrassing yourself and me, yelling disrespectful things into my face in front of 10... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Dumbass Diner

    published July 24, 2008

    This goes to you, the skinny, white trash guy with a haircut like the Hanson brothers, who dined and ditched at my restaurant yet forgot to... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] One Hundred Percent Perspiration

    published July 17, 2008

    You were the guy at the car wash this weekend in San Clemente with the older white Mercedes. You had finished washing and were detailing your... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Happy Ending

    published July 3, 2008

    We were dining as part of a large party at a loud eats-and-entertainment restaurant when you and your friends were seated behind us. I can... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Bring the Noize

    published June 26, 2008

    I moved away from Downtown LBC to Bluff Heights to get away from people like you. Who knew that all the noise, trash and drunkenness would... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Marco Poolo

    published June 19, 2008

    My sons and I were about half a block away as we walked toward the community pool for some swimming and splashing around when we heard... More >>

  • [Hey, You!] Trying in Vein

    published June 5, 2008

    You went to medical school for who knows how long, and you still can't take a half-decent blood sample? Yes, you were young and attractive, and... More >>

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