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2005 Stories by ANONYMOUS

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  • Skirting the Issue

    published April 28, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulWhat the hell could you tell me is wrong with what I'm wearing? Are you actually sending me home because I had one hole... More >>

  • SECONDHAND

    published April 21, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulI was the quiet customer inside the hickory-scented humidifier, scanning the racks of Partagas, Cohibas, H. Uppmans and... More >>

  • WHORIBBLE FRIENDS

    published April 14, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulWe used to be best friends. Turns out that you'd been saying I'm a slut and making up all sorts of fucking nonsense... More >>

  • Pencil-Dick Prick

    published April 7, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulMe: the frequent female patron of the bar. You: the Napoleon-syndrome bouncer that kicked me out. I'm always at that... More >>

  • Can You Hear Me Now?

    published March 31, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were talking into your cell phone when you entered my shop. You were too busy with your call to even nod in my... More >>

  • Butthole Surfer

    published March 24, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the bottom-sniffing cop: you stopped me on my way out of a bar—a woman alone driving out of a parking lot at... More >>

  • Whine Dining

    published March 10, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the father who blithely ignored his three-year-old daughter throughout lunch: keep your kid out of my meal! While... More >>

  • Suburban Ass-ault

    published March 3, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the rage-infested lady on the cell phone who almost ran me off the road: I was driving my eco-friendly car in the... More >>

  • You've Got To Be Kidding!

    published February 24, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the woman who refused to be seated next to our family: how dare you assume that dining next to a child will ruin your... More >>

  • A Pawn In Her Game

    published February 17, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulI want my chess set back. Yeah, so we haven't spoken in months, and we're each happy with someone new. But I want my... More >>

  • Another Satisfied Reader

    published February 10, 2005

    Illustration by Bob Aul"The meals were wonderful," you told me as you left your table and we walked toward the front door. Then suddenly you... More >>

  • A Is For Ass-Kicking, D Is For Duh

    published February 3, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were with your boyfriend at a Newport Beach bar last Friday. Every time I looked your way, you were looking at me.... More >>

  • Nonmovable Asses

    published January 27, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were the girl sitting next to your fat boyfriend at the Ruby's booth at South Coast Plaza a few weekends ago. There... More >>

  • Drafty

    published January 13, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were the punk kid riding in a girl's car with a "W'04" sticker on the back. I was the woman driving an SUV with the... More >>

  • Shrink Rapped

    published January 6, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulAs a favor to your parents—who are my friends and who love you dearly—I began seeing the three of you for... More >>

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