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2005 Stories by ANONYMOUS

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  • Hey, You!

    published December 22, 2005

    Improbable Cause More >>

  • Hey, You!

    published December 15, 2005

    Baffled barista More >>

  • This Bud's for You

    published December 1, 2005

    I salute you, Air Force warrior. But the war on terror doesn't qualify you to treat civilians like Afghan villagers. About 30 of us nerds stood... More >>

  • Spilt Coffee

    published November 24, 2005

    You were the elegant sixtysomething Latina at the Cuban restaurant a few weekends ago. I was the guy sitting at another table just behind you.... More >>

  • Hey, You!

    published October 27, 2005

    Meatheads More >>

  • Hong Kong Phooey

    published October 13, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYo, razor-toothed, illiterate putz. The next time your snot-nosed loser kid touches my son at school, all hell is gonna... More >>

  • Mourning Wood

    published October 6, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were the guy who yelled at my manager that you wanted a refund because the firewood I delivered to your house "was... More >>

  • Food Fighters

    published October 6, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulThis little shout-out goes to the twentysomething young man and his girlfriend who tried to snake their way in front of... More >>

  • Pedestrian Encounter

    published September 22, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulI'm sorry I almost mowed you down with my car outside the Tuscany Club in Fullerton the other night. I appreciate the... More >>

  • Extinguished Customer

    published September 15, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulI'm the guy who used to get my coffee and bagel (sesame, un-toasted, lox spread) every Thursday on my way to my weekly... More >>

  • Not in My Back Alley

    published August 25, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulHey, tagger! I would call you by your preferred moniker of graffiti artist, but that would imply that you had some... More >>

  • Black Like Me

    published August 11, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou were the guy who didn't appreciate the lower right side of your car getting wet when I turned on the front-lawn... More >>

  • Shriveled Ballsack

    published August 4, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the very important guy in the expensive sports car driving on PCH in Laguna Beach last week: I know you've got the... More >>

  • Piercing Proposition

    published July 28, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulMom: I know you read the Weekly, and you believe everything they write. So please listen. I think I should get my... More >>

  • Bipedal Bird Bathroom

    published July 21, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulHey, You! Yes, we have a "No Public Restroom" policy. There are signs posted all over the store. Yet you still have the... More >>

  • Calling Rick Springfield

    published July 14, 2005

    Hey you! I thought you were my friend's girlfriend? I guess things aren't always what they seem. You looked at me with those lusty eyes late... More >>

  • Beeming

    published July 7, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the rich guy at the car wash. Man, I'm a fool. I learned years ago that you should never, ever walk up to a fat lady... More >>

  • Password to No Success

    published June 30, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou are a perfect example of why anyone should NOT join a sorority. You are selfish, insecure, bitchy, and so fucking... More >>

  • MONKEY IN THE WINDOW

    published June 23, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulHey you! Yeah, you, the bastard driving up in the Starbucks drive through. Let me tell you something about manners, you... More >>

  • Great Without Child

    published June 16, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the apologetic young salesgirl at Torrid, to the overeager sample lady at Trader Joe's and to the countless others... More >>

  • POWER PRINCIPAL

    published June 9, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulHey you, the slimy school principal with a gambling problem who insisted to parents and staff that over $2,000 was... More >>

  • hey, you!

    published June 2, 2005

    More >>

  • Saint Bush

    published May 26, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulWhen you were fired, we all breathed a sigh of relief. You're such a whiner—everyone else is to blame for what's... More >>

  • FIRE MARSHAL BLOB

    published May 12, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou pathetic, frustrated, wannabe firefighter who couldn't make the cut, why do you feel it necessary to be such an... More >>

  • Calvin Klein, He's Not Me

    published May 5, 2005

    Illustration by Bob AulYou're the owner of the glorified station wagon UV/pimped-out low-rider/rice-burning hot rod/shit-kickin' Bigfoot Jr.... More >>

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