Email Author ANONYMOUS

2002 Stories by ANONYMOUS

• Satan's customer-service rep

  published June 6, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTo the lovely woman dining at Houston's on a recent Wednesday night: GET OVER IT! So your fish wasn't cooked enough. You... More >>

• Dude, Where's Your Kid?!

  published May 30, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulThere it is: your name in the Calendar section of OC Weekly—trendy local venue, sounds like fun, good for... More >>

• Braking Away

  published May 23, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, thief! I was the guy driving a piece-of-shit car in Huntington Beach two weeks ago when you suddenly... More >>

• Conservative American Tragedy

  published May 16, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, sister! You're 10 years younger than I and working for the president of the United States. Could I be prouder? My... More >>

• Sushi Pig

  published May 9, 2002

  So maybe you don't know that Shrimp Boats are about as authentically Japanese as pizza, but get a clue from the people sitting around you at... More >>

• Every Day is Casual Friday

  published May 2, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWe got excited enough to go check out your new bar. We loved it. Loved it so much we went again the next night. Loved it... More >>

• Baby-Back Ribs

  published April 25, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, Dumbshit! Let me set the stage for you: it was a hot February day. You were driving a minivan. Parked outside the... More >>

• Chicken Finger

  published April 18, 2002

  Unless the rules of driving have changed and nobody informed me, doesn't one slow down and then stop upon approaching an intersection when the... More >>

• Tenants Court

  published April 11, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI know you've been talking shit about me—I heard that your underage, immigrant, lesbian friend told you what a... More >>

• Cold Sore War

  published April 4, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWe were both bored with our respective love lives and were looking for fun elsewhere (read: outside marriage). Before... More >>

• Aussie and Hairy It

  published March 28, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI'm not sure how things are done in the land Down Under, but here in the USA, we don't live like characters in a George... More >>

• Mule-Faced Girl

  published March 21, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI'm feeling like the mule with a carrot held forever in front of my face. You keep promising we'll get married, but... More >>

• Wait Till Next Year

  published March 7, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, Jackass! Nice national sales meeting! We all fly economy class, drive our own cars, bike, walk or... More >>

• Neighborhood Buzzcock

  published February 28, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulFor the past small eternity, you have been constructing a wall around your residence on the hill above my little home.... More >>

• Welcome to Jesusville

  published February 21, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey! You with the gigantic, gaudy cross in my parents' neighborhood. You put up that 10-foot monstrosity for Christmas... More >>

• Andrew Jacksons Friend

  published February 14, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTwice a week for more than a year, you've come into the bar where I work, and you still address me by one of three terms... More >>

• Andrew Jacksons Friend

  published February 14, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTwice a week for more than a year, you've come into the bar where I work, and you still address me by one of three terms... More >>

• Plough Boy Bunnies

  published February 7, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulThere has been more than enough hoopla over the construction of the 73 toll road. Get over it! We now have an eight-lane... More >>

• Pooh Fighters

  published February 7, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulSaturday night, Dec. 1: A small group of us were at Disneyland, anticipating our first crime. When we saw Tigger... More >>

• Postscript

  published January 31, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI don't know if there's an afterlife, but if there is, and if you can still pick up newspapers, please read this. None... More >>

• Mr. Physics

  published January 24, 2002

  Illustration Bob AulThe next time you decide to cut off someone driving a classic car, please consider this physics problem: I'm driving my '63... More >>

• Empire of the Nonsenses

  published January 17, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulYou came home to find your boyfriend dangling naked in his closet from the end of a belt. At his feet, porn. Lots of... More >>