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2002 Stories by ANONYMOUS

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  • Lipstick Traces

    published December 26, 2002

    Illustration by Bob Aul To the well-dressed 60ish blonde at the Warner Avenue Post Office in Huntington Beach: It's a Wednesday morning, 7:15,... More >>

  • Drive-by Big Gulp

    published December 19, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulTo those two little pukes who nailed me in THE BACK with a friggin' Big Gulp full of ice and shit: I was minding my own... More >>

  • Handicapped Parking

    published December 12, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulYou in the nifty Porsche Boxster in Laguna Beach on Monday morning! I guess you were having fits of caffeine withdrawal... More >>

  • The Idiot's Guide to Voting

    published December 5, 2002

    illustration by Bob AulYou came to vote, clutching a phony "voters guide." You were so dependent on the "guide" that you and your wife couldn't... More >>

  • Hey, USC!

    published November 28, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the self-described ex-USC frat boy: I had my suspicions about you when you swaggered up to our table, looking a... More >>

  • Nut Quesadilla

    published November 21, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the pseudo-blonde at Baja Fresh: thanks for the freak show. I don't eat there often, but I bet you do, given the... More >>

  • Flipper Off

    published November 14, 2002

    To the lady in the black BMW SUV whom I followed out Laguna Canyon Road: I was following you on my motorcycle when your window rolled down and... More >>

  • I Wish I Were Blind

    published November 7, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulHey, film-school losers! You make me sick. I have to fight the urge to strangle you as I walk through Cecil B. DeMille... More >>

  • Bird Brains

    published October 31, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulWe saw you three wannabe, white-trash gangstaz arrive at our neighborhood beach—Crescent Bay in North... More >>

  • Testeskick Airlines

    published October 17, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulI don't like clerks who act like kings, and I sure as hell don't like the morons who run our nation's airline industry.... More >>

  • See No Evil?

    published October 10, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulI overheard you the other day in the bar of a popular Newport Beach restaurant speaking your "patriotic" mind about what... More >>

  • Make Mine Male

    published October 3, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulTo the coffeehouse barista who thinks she's so dazzlingly beautiful that my daily kindnesses—in the form of... More >>

  • A Pussy, Too

    published September 19, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulI don't know your name, but I'll call you Chucky. You ride a skateboard. Your mom told you to "take that fucking noise... More >>

  • Pile On

    published September 12, 2002

    To the person upon whose bike I left a pile of puke: yes, it was me. I admit it, and I'm sorry—as I sorry as I must be in order to regain... More >>

  • Food Fight

    published September 5, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulEveryone warned against going to a restaurant on opening night. True to form, the Friday night launch of a little... More >>

  • Girls Make Passes at Guys Who Wear Glasses

    published August 29, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulHey, you! Yeah, you in the Dickies & black Converse sneakers! I was the redhead in black, and I have a confession to... More >>

  • The Rabbit Killer

    published August 22, 2002

    Illustration by Bob Aul After swinging it around irreverently by the ears, you dumped your orange-and-white rabbit into the guinea pig and... More >>

  • Countess Hagula

    published August 15, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulMe: just a temp filling in for the guy going on vacation. You: the most vile, obnoxious, repulsive, vulgar co-worker... More >>

  • Beating of the minds

    published August 8, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulBefore I met you, I had heard that you were a regular guy who was a bit boring. Now that I know you, I think you're a... More >>

  • Erotica Conventionette

    published August 1, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulLet me start by admitting I stumbled a bit with the communications, and a few other ladies gave me a similar... More >>

  • Keeping Tabs

    published July 25, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulWhen you joked at your dinner party that you were in need of a painkiller, you told me all I needed to know: that... More >>

  • Turn on the Crapper

    published July 4, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulYou showed up at our party with a mutual friend. After a couple of drinks, several of us decided to take a swim in the... More >>

  • I liked You for a Moment

    published June 27, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulWhen I first met you the other night at the bar, I liked you. You seemed friendly. That's why I was joking with you. You... More >>

  • The $500,000 Shitbox

    published June 20, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulTen minutes a day is all it would take. Aren't we worth it to you? Can't you see the look on our faces? Obviously not... More >>

  • Sibling Love

    published June 13, 2002

    Illustration by Bob AulWhat didn't you understand about our mother's will? It clearly stated that our bro got the house, and you and I were to... More >>

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