Email Author ANONYMOUS

2002 Stories by ANONYMOUS

• Lipstick Traces

  published December 26, 2002

  Illustration by Bob Aul To the well-dressed 60ish blonde at the Warner Avenue Post Office in Huntington Beach: It's a Wednesday morning, 7:15,... More >>

• Drive-by Big Gulp

  published December 19, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTo those two little pukes who nailed me in THE BACK with a friggin' Big Gulp full of ice and shit: I was minding my own... More >>

• Handicapped Parking

  published December 12, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulYou in the nifty Porsche Boxster in Laguna Beach on Monday morning! I guess you were having fits of caffeine withdrawal... More >>

• The Idiot's Guide to Voting

  published December 5, 2002

  illustration by Bob AulYou came to vote, clutching a phony "voters guide." You were so dependent on the "guide" that you and your wife couldn't... More >>

• Hey, USC!

  published November 28, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTo the self-described ex-USC frat boy: I had my suspicions about you when you swaggered up to our table, looking a... More >>

• Nut Quesadilla

  published November 21, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTo the pseudo-blonde at Baja Fresh: thanks for the freak show. I don't eat there often, but I bet you do, given the... More >>

• Flipper Off

  published November 14, 2002

  To the lady in the black BMW SUV whom I followed out Laguna Canyon Road: I was following you on my motorcycle when your window rolled down and... More >>

• I Wish I Were Blind

  published November 7, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, film-school losers! You make me sick. I have to fight the urge to strangle you as I walk through Cecil B. DeMille... More >>

• Bird Brains

  published October 31, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWe saw you three wannabe, white-trash gangstaz arrive at our neighborhood beach—Crescent Bay in North... More >>

• Testeskick Airlines

  published October 17, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI don't like clerks who act like kings, and I sure as hell don't like the morons who run our nation's airline industry.... More >>

• See No Evil?

  published October 10, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI overheard you the other day in the bar of a popular Newport Beach restaurant speaking your "patriotic" mind about what... More >>

• Make Mine Male

  published October 3, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTo the coffeehouse barista who thinks she's so dazzlingly beautiful that my daily kindnesses—in the form of... More >>

• A Pussy, Too

  published September 19, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulI don't know your name, but I'll call you Chucky. You ride a skateboard. Your mom told you to "take that fucking noise... More >>

• Pile On

  published September 12, 2002

  To the person upon whose bike I left a pile of puke: yes, it was me. I admit it, and I'm sorry—as I sorry as I must be in order to regain... More >>

• Food Fight

  published September 5, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulEveryone warned against going to a restaurant on opening night. True to form, the Friday night launch of a little... More >>

• Girls Make Passes at Guys Who Wear Glasses

  published August 29, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulHey, you! Yeah, you in the Dickies & black Converse sneakers! I was the redhead in black, and I have a confession to... More >>

• The Rabbit Killer

  published August 22, 2002

  Illustration by Bob Aul After swinging it around irreverently by the ears, you dumped your orange-and-white rabbit into the guinea pig and... More >>

• Countess Hagula

  published August 15, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulMe: just a temp filling in for the guy going on vacation. You: the most vile, obnoxious, repulsive, vulgar co-worker... More >>

• Beating of the minds

  published August 8, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulBefore I met you, I had heard that you were a regular guy who was a bit boring. Now that I know you, I think you're a... More >>

• Erotica Conventionette

  published August 1, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulLet me start by admitting I stumbled a bit with the communications, and a few other ladies gave me a similar... More >>

• Keeping Tabs

  published July 25, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWhen you joked at your dinner party that you were in need of a painkiller, you told me all I needed to know: that... More >>

• Turn on the Crapper

  published July 4, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulYou showed up at our party with a mutual friend. After a couple of drinks, several of us decided to take a swim in the... More >>

• I liked You for a Moment

  published June 27, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWhen I first met you the other night at the bar, I liked you. You seemed friendly. That's why I was joking with you. You... More >>

• The $500,000 Shitbox

  published June 20, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulTen minutes a day is all it would take. Aren't we worth it to you? Can't you see the look on our faces? Obviously not... More >>

• Sibling Love

  published June 13, 2002

  Illustration by Bob AulWhat didn't you understand about our mother's will? It clearly stated that our bro got the house, and you and I were to... More >>