Email Author ANONYMOUS

1999 Stories by ANONYMOUS

• Crappy Christmas

  published December 30, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulSprawling sleepily on a mall bench on my break from a coffeehouse inside, I was recently treated to the kind of... More >>

• Fatheads

  published December 16, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulI recently made the terrible mistake of eating at a Carl's Jr. near a high school at lunch time. Although annoyed by the... More >>

• I Slugged a Register Street Rack

  published December 9, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulIt all started when I ritually rattled the door of the Los Angeles Times street rack, my usual prelude to risking... More >>

• Delayed Reactionary

  published November 25, 1999

  Art by Bob AulYou're the guy I delayed for two whole seconds while crossing the street on my bicycle, the guy who pulled the cigarette from his... More >>

• Who Needs MOVIES?

  published November 18, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulMy husband, John, and I had just finished watching American Beauty, which we both loved for different reasons. I... More >>

• Atrophied Wife

  published November 11, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulCall this the confession of a trophy wife. Yours. Remember how when we dated, you told me that you loved me for my... More >>

• Wheelchair Ruffians

  published October 21, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and... More >>

• Break Time

  published October 14, 1999

  Art by Bob AulI disappear for a week into the Sierras and return to find there's been a coup d'etat and that you people are doing nothing about... More >>

• God Forgive You

  published October 7, 1999

  Art by Bob AulRecently, I visited Orange County for my daughter and son-in-law's wedding renewal of five years. Five years?!? Now, I am... More >>

• Skeletina

  published September 30, 1999

  Art by Bob AulMy lady and I received a restaurant gift certificate as a present. One nice Saturday morning, we decided to use it. When we got... More >>

• Dump This!

  published September 23, 1999

  Art by Bob AulYou are a tubby state assemblyman who threatened to introduce a law to take beach-closure decisions out of the hands of... More >>

• The Circle of Life, Simba

  published September 16, 1999

  Art by Bob AulAfter shopping at Metro Pointe in Costa Mesa on Aug. 28, I used the pay phone near the Edwards Theatre. It is always difficult to... More >>

• Whippersnapper!

  published September 9, 1999

  Art by Bob AulI'm 87 years old—been around so dammed long that most of what you call "American history" is mere recollection to me. You... More >>

• Pissed-Off Christ

  published August 26, 1999

  Art by Bob AulA few days ago, while driving south on the 405 near Costa Mesa, the traffic swirling around me like something out of Lagos,... More >>

• Fast-Food Hero

  published August 19, 1999

  Art by Bob AulAs a fast-food aficionado, I'm accustomed to feeling like a piece of raw material being run through the highly industrialized... More >>

• Harvest This!

  published August 12, 1999

  Art by Bob AulOkay, summer is here, and once again I am surrounded. Everywhere I go—video store, Del Taco drive-in, porn shop—I see... More >>

• Fender Blender

  published August 5, 1999

  Art by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to... More >>

• Carls Jr. Icon

  published July 29, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and... More >>

• CPDD

  published July 22, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulAm I the only person in Orange County who doesn't suffer from Cell Phone Dependency Disorder? Yesterday, on my way home... More >>

• Hey, Neighbor!

  published June 24, 1999

  Illustration by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and... More >>

• Train Trash

  published June 17, 1999

  Stop tapping on your laptop and get off the cell phone long enough to listen up: I know you don't like me riding your squeaky-clean Metrolink... More >>

• Detour of the Damned

  published June 10, 1999

  Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to "Hey, You!"... More >>

• Hey, Big Spender!

  published April 15, 1999

  Art by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions, or accusations -changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent-to "Hey, You!"... More >>

• Shortchange Artist

  published April 8, 1999

  Art by Bob AulSend anonymous thanks, confessions, or accusations-changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent-to "Hey, You!"... More >>