Die, evil '80s

My best research—which is to say I read the hang tag before writing this—indicates that what we have here is a Satin Pleated Mini Skirt from the noted fashion imprint Leg Avenue. (I haven't heard of them either.)

That's fine: there's a time and a place for a Satin Pleated Mini Skirt—your 20s, say. Miniskirts generally prove two things: that youth is not wasted on the young, and that prices are inextricably linked to hemlines and must rise accordingly. This skirt's price, however, fell: from $29.99 to $19.99—a calamity that can only be explained by the hang tag, which features a model demonstrating how to wear it.

She does a good job with the skirt, and her boots, which appear to be hightop, high-heeled, midcalf Converse—a twist on the black Chucks everyone wears—are fine too. (Our photo editor liked them, at least.)

Head north, however, and the train jumps the rails. Who thought having the model wear a white mesh long-sleeved top with a Flashdanceneck over a black latex halter bra top was a good idea? Is this about Patricia Field somehow? And why the bouffant hair? Things were confusing enough before that. So here's the deal, okay? Sometimes things that don't go together don't go together.I don't care if you like the '80s—no one would wear this outfit anywhere, and that defeats the hang tag's purpose, which is getting you to buy the skirt.

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