Now that 2007's juuust about slain and buried (can you tell what kind of year I've had—and am still having?), it's time for your favorite end-of-year cop-out pieces we writers like to do. In my case, the best and worst trends of the year—drainpipe jeans, blah-blah; cable-knit sweaters for your cocker spaniel, blah-blah; high-waisted skirts, blah-blappity-blah.

But your fashion year in review is going to be pretty simple. As a general rule, anything that was ugly in 2003, 2004, 1999 and 1952 was ugly in 2007 and will be ugly in 2008, 2009, maybe even 2010.

Yes, kids, white crew socks still look tacky with dress pants; I'd still like a Hermés Birkin in black calf leather with gold hardware; and I'd still like a Chanel 2.55 classic flap bag with silver hardware in black lambskin—your choice.

That black, double-breasted wool peacoat you bought in high school and still break out from the mothball-ridden storage boxes every winter? Still cool. That's why you see near-identical replicas of it at the Gap, Barney's and Fred Segal at elevating prices every year.

In 2007, the classics remained classics, but some trends should have just been left alone. Urban Outfitters has been offering acid-washed jeans by Kill City and Lux in stores and online since fall . . . in a range of colors. Like red. And people actually bought them. Not only are the Kill City men's jeans acid-washed in pukey hues such as purple, blue and black, but they're tight and ball-cupping as all hell, too, with a 32-inch inseam, a 10-inch rise and a 5-inch leg opening. Reeeeeal small.

Although jewel-toned skinny jeans made a short run this year in the wardrobes of the confident, the look screamed typical hipster scum to me, yet I didn't find them offensive so long as you kept it PG. Tight's good, but no one really wants to see where your wang's hanging out, dudes. Back in April, there was a Jack White (circa Get Behind Me Satan) doppelganger hanging outside the Prospector with a pair of painted-on red jeans: "So, how tight is too tight?" I wrote. "Too tight is when your (red) pants are so tight, people can make out the exact location of your kneecaps." (I later got linked to his MySpace blog, linking to the story online—and his friends analyzing the shit out of my own profile. Hey, guys: I told you flannel was cool again, big sunglasses fucking suck now and fat belts under your rack make you look really porky.)

Thanks to the resurgence of the surf/skate sector of fashion, the graphic tee made an almost disturbing comeback this year as well. Though the logo T-shirt has lost its steam in the 2000s (remember when a Calvin Klein logo shirt was all you needed to feel cool?), the graphic tee has been a juggernaut these past few years, often costing hundreds for a single item (people still snatched them up from BAPE or Kid Robot). But things went awry once you saw droves of more-sensitive-than-they'd-like-to-appear ex-Sigma Alpha Whatever fratboys wearing shirts with white-on-black logos and a strict monochromatic color scheme, with maybe some nonsensical text thrown in.

The other good stuff of '07: glimpses of side boobage from beneath dropped waistbands and exposed backs; not outgrowing Hello Kitty; hybrid fashion/sports/music/art haus labels such as RVCA, OBEY and Volcom; the highly forgiving silhouette of the trapeze dress; full beards; cheapo chain stores that mimic high-end runways, despite dozens of lawsuits; dark tights; lots of plaid.

So, yeah, everything that wasn't ugly in 2003, 2004, 1999 and 1952? Still cool now. And will be in 2008. And 2009. Maybe even 2010.


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